In the Merry 'Ol Land of Wamego

"We're off to see the Wizard!" ~ Dorothy Gale and Friends in the Wizard of Oz

Welcome to Day 3 of my Dream Destinations Week!  So far, I have set my sights on Graceland in Memphis, TN and the annual Svensk Hyllningsfest in Lindsborg, KS.  And it is beginning to look like fall for the Trendy Travelers is going to be busy with trips to Kansas as, Oztoberfest is coming to Wamego, Kansas at the end of September and who wants to miss that?

The Wizard of Oz has a special place in my heart.  When I was younger, I tried to do as my parents told me and expected of me, but some temptations were far too great for me to overcome.  My mother had some rules that I was not too anxious to break.  If I overstepped the boundaries I am sure there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth...mainly mine.

But, still, there was that one line I was dying to cross!  It beckoned to me every day.  Every. Single. Day.

It started innocently enough.  Usually in summer.  You know how it was.  I was a latchkey kid; home alone all day long in the summer.  By myself.  Left to my own devices.  A child giving into that one big temptation.  I didn't mean for it to happen.  There were those "gateway" sins that came first.

Like.....the Monkees.  They were on at noon every day.  And I watched.  No harm, no foul.  Later, in the day when I was older, I watched All My Children.  Still no issue.  Yet, I was flirting closer and closer to disaster every day I turned on the TV.  Each day, turning on the set a little earlier.  Each day dancing closer to the line of no return.  And then....one day....I did it.  I turned on the TV at 10 in the morning and watched....

THE BRADY BUNCH!!!  

The Bradys were contraband in my house.  My mother had no issue with Gilligan, the Monkees, Bewitched and the rest of the re-run crowd....but the Bradys were completely off limits!  And I have to admit....they never helped my cause.  My mother hated the way Mike and Carol never had to actually discipline the kids. (Secretly, I think it had nothing to do with the kids, I think my mom was jealous that Carol had a full time housekeeper).  I hated how the kids totally repented and obeyed after one small reprimand of, "Now Marsha."  "Now Greg."  But, still....it was just a TV show.  When I started watching what had always been restricted to me, I began to see that the Brady Bunch was really no big deal.  It actually wasn't even that great of a show.   I began to wonder about all those other shows that were forbidden to me.  Maybe they weren't so bad/good either.

Don't get me wrong though.  My Mom loves movies.  Albeit, not the ones I would have liked as a child.  My mom was so excited to share her favorite movie with me when I was six.  My first movie with an intermission!  Just like in the fancy movies!!!  You know why movies have intermissions?  Because they keep you from breaking out in hysterics from boredom.  The movie my mom took me to?  Gone with the Wind.  Which I now can appreciate as  3 hours of cinematic masterpiece....but at six years old, was the most terrible form of torture I could imagine.  I didn't even get popcorn!!!!!  I was hardly old enough to know what Viet Nam was, let alone a war that occurred over a hundred years before!!!  Watching this movie, by the way, subjected me to more cruel and unusual punishment, like Joan Baez music.  For days after we saw Gone with the Wind, my mother would play The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down on her Joan Baez album over and over and over and over again...ad nauseum.  I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear that song.

So, as you can see, I was quite neglected limited in what I was allowed for my viewing pleasure.  While other little girls were curling their hair in sponge rollers and entering Shirley Temple look-alike contests (which, by the way, Cindy Brady did in an episode of the Brady Bunch), I was  reenacting Scarlett's big scene before the much needed intermission...."As God as my witness, I will never be hungry again!" (complete with realistic retching sounds).    While other girls were auditioning in their drama classes with Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I was stuck leading Joan Baez sing-alongs!

There was actually a whole slew of entertainment that I was not allowed to watch. But, the biggest Hollywood taboo in my childhood home was The Wizard of OZ.   My mother HATES The Wizard of Oz, but my father could not wait to share with me and  is now one of my favorite movies. When I was a kid, the Wizard was only on TV once a year during Spring Break.  I was always thankful for the times when it was my Dad's turn to have me during that holiday, so I could watch Dorothy and her friends get over on that icky, green witch.  Something my mom would never allow.

So, the Wizard became this secret rebellion.  Though it was rebellion born out of a fantastic story, incredible music and father-daughter bonding.  It is easy to see why I love that movie for so many reasons.  So, while driving through Kansas, you can also see how I get so excited when the Oz billboards  start popping up on the side of the freeway near Wamego.  Well, I am hoping soon, this will be a Dream Come True Destination!

Wamego has built a livelihood on the Emerald City and its residences.  Much of the town revolves around L.Frank Baum's classic-come-to-life.  From festivals to drinks, to menus and museums, every aspect of Oz seems to be alive and well in Wamego.  

The foundational pillar of Ozness in Wamego has to be the Oz Museum.  According to their website, the museum houses over 2,000 "artifacts" dating back to the book's publishing date of 1900.  The museum houses memorabilia from the 1939 musical starring Judy Garland, as well as items from the 1925 silent film of the same name starring Oliver Hardy as the Tin Woodman (who knew?!).  Also available for observation are items from the Diana Ross/Michael Jackson/Bill Cosby movie, The Wiz.  All Oz bases seem to be covered in the Wamego museum.  

After visiting the museum, if you are still trying to forget you are in Kansas...and I have been there, it is a favorite pastime....you can ease on down, ease on down the road to Toto's Tacoz.  Here, you can enjoy all kinds of Fresh-Mex food from a Tin Man Black Bean Burrito, to Munchkin Tacos to a Yellow Brick Burro'd (I am NOT asking if that is a description of the meat used in this dish).  The restaurant offers indoor patio seating, perhaps to avoid tornadoes coming through outdoor patios....?  And also Oz murals to enjoy as you eat.

But, the reason I want to go in the fall is because at the end of  September,  Wamego, Kansas hosts Oztoberfest!  Last year, this event included several dinner theater productions of The Wizard of Oz, a silent auction to benefit the Oz Museum, with items such as a limited edition Oz lamp, special edition DVD sets, signed Ruby Slippers license plates and gift bags signed by special Oz guests.  One of those guests was probably Margaret Pellegrini, who is one of three surviving Munchkins.  According to the Oztoberfest website, she has a great relationship with the Oz community in Wamego and attends this event as health allows.  Wow!  A visit with a real, live Munchkin!  She would be awesome for my Munchkyuens to meet...because I am a nicer mom than my own when it comes to movies...I love the Wizard of Oz!  And so do my kids!  But I digress.  Also available for visitors to Oztoberfest is a 10K Ruby Slipper Run (though, I was disappointed to find out this is just the name of the race and not the required running shoe option), a street fair, a two mile Scarecrow Fun Run, a Yellow Brick Road Bike Ride, a Munchkinland Kid's Play Area and much, much more!  They also have a Sip-and-Stroll for those over 21, with wine and beer tastings...represented by many wineries and breweries, EXCEPT the Oz Winery.  Which is sad, because it would just be fun to see the bottles from Oz Winery.  They have  wines called Ding Dong, the Wine is Red, Witch Gone Good,  Wine of a Different Color and myriad of other labels.  The pictures on the labels are worth having that vendor around!

Last year's Silent Auction Special at  Oztoberfest.  Who wouldn't want THAT conversation piece in their living room?

As you can see, Wamego is completely committed to being Oz.  And helping you enjoy your journey there, as well.  After poking around Wamego's website, you can see why they call themselves "Small Town - BIG Experience".  They remind you to stay in Wamego when visiting because they have over 90 ROOMS available.  One of which, Kahuna and I hope to secure with our Munchkyuens in an upcoming autumn.  

Until then, I

Gotta Mosey!

Valkommen! Ja!

"This doesn't look like Kansas, Toto." ~ Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz

Well, here we are on Day 2 of my Dream Destinations week.  I hope that yesterday's jaunt to Graceland didn't cause you to lose faith in journeying with me.  I know that Graceland is the epitome of gaudy ostentatiousness, but, come on....it's Elvis.

However, for those with more sophisticated tastes, who desire culture and refinement, today's foray may be just the thing to redeem myself!  

Dream Destination #2:  Svensk Hyllningsfest in Lindsborg, Kansas

Lindsborg is a town in Kansas that was settled by Swedish pioneers in 1869.  To say it is a small town is an understatement.  As of 2011, the 1.5 square mile town had just 3,465 residents.  But it is rich in Scandinavian tradition!  And every fall of odd numbered years, Lindsborg hosts Svensk Hyllningsfest - a festival to honor the town's Swedish heritage.  There is traditional folk dancing, music, arts, entertainment, Dala Horses and smorgasbord!  Pure culture.  No kitsch here!

It is my opinion that nothing screams cultural diversity more than a town of 3500 Swedish descendants celebrating their heritage at a traditional Swedish Honoring Festival in the fall.....in KANSAS.  Seriously speaking,  I am sure that our Amer-Asian family will drastically change the town's demographics when we show up, just by increasing the number of brunettes in Lindsborg. But, I am also sure that Lindsborg may be the closest retreat we have to a foreign country and well worth the travel into the flatlands of Kansas.

I look forward to attending the festival in October of this year.  They already have a whole schedule of events for the weekend of the Svensk Hyllningsfest, including, but not limited to smorgasbord, folk dancing, clogging (by a traditional Swedish group from the booming metropolis of Marquette, KS, population 641), folk dancing, arts and crafts, folk dancing, smorgasbord, folk dancing WITH the audience, smorgasbord and folk dancing!  Yes, there'll be swingin', swayin', records playin'...."dansing" in the street!  And food.

And apparently a Dala Horse hunt.  Not to eat.  Just to find.  There are many, many Dalas all over town and so the challenge is to see how many you can find.  Including the City Hall Dala - Fala, the Dala Brick Road.  No joke.  That is the town's most famous Dala Horse!  In Kansas....get it?  Oh those riotous Swedes!

Besides going to Lindsborg for their festival and their obvious sense of wit and whimsy, I would like to visit some of their Top 5 Attractions (which actually lists dozens of attractions, which tells me the Swedes of Lindsborg know how to have a good time...but not how to count).  Fine dining abounds in this quaint village on the prairie, with the #1 offering on Lindsborg's website being Bethany College's cafeteria.  The only pitfall here, besides the fact that it is a school lunch, is that you can only dine here during the school year. If you visit Lindsborg during the summer, you will have to settle for fare from one of the other fine eating establishments, such as Casey's Carryout Pizza.  I wonder if Casey serves that with Lingonberry jam.

Number 2 on the list of attractions in Lingsborg, or Little Sweden as the locals call it, is Coronado Heights.  This winner of one of Kansas' 8 Wonders of Kansas Geography is supposedly a historical and natural delight.  My guess is that it is on the 8 Wonders list because it is Coronado HEIGHTS, which in a state as flat as Kansas, is saying something.

The third attraction list is of art galleries in the town.  After all the dancing and smorgasbording I intend to do in October in Little Sweden, I do not know how much time I will have to observe art, but I am going to be sure to make time to visit Hemsljod, "An Adventure in Swedish Tradition", which made the list of the 8 Wonders of Kansas Customs list, for it's traditional and pop art Dala Horse Factory!  This gallery also makes the #4 attraction category of Swedish Gift Shops.

And finally on their top 5 attractions list, Lindsborg has many historical buildings and walking tours to offer.  None of which sound as fun a ride on Fala, the Dala Brick Road, or smorgasbord.

As you can see, Lindsborg, is in no shortage of class and culture.  Enjoy the following video so you, too can plan a visit to Little Sweden on the Prairie.

  Let me know what you think in the comments because right now, I 

Jag Maste Mosey!  (Gotta Mosey!)

Walkin' In Memphis

"I'll stay in Memphis." ~ Elvis Presley

Over the next few days, I will be sharing my Dream Destinations with you.  They are all places I am either already planning on visiting, or am hoping to go to soon.  

Vacations are as unique and distinctive as the individuals who plan them.  Some people look forward to theme parks with the kids, others desire a restful, tropical beach, and still others look for mountain get-aways with plenty of hiking and fishing.  All of those places are enjoyable destinations, but for me, I like kitsch.

I am all about the people,food and storymaking when I travel!  It seems the more unusual the venue, the more incredible the people that you meet. It takes a certain genius to make an industry out of brazen tastelessness.  That kind of genius attracts the most extraordinary audience.  And I want to meet that audience!

Anyone can hang out with a bunch of beach bums in Hawaii.  But where is the conversation in that?  Everyone has the same story.  Honeymooners, newlyweds, oldlyweds on an anniversary trip.  Same stories, different faces.  Forget the mundane - Give me the brazen, the tasteless, the extraordinary!  

First stop:  ELVIS PRESLEY'S GRACELAND

I have actually been to Graceland already.  Well, okay...not in Graceland, but I have been to the gift shop.  We took a side trip to the Elvis shrine that is Elvis Presley Blvd. just so I could see it.  But there were 8 of us traveling...and at 37.00 a pop to actually go in the gates - well, you do the math.  It was gas to get home or Graceland!  Gas won. (but only because Kahuna insisted!)

Junior and I will be traveling to Virginia this summer and are hoping to make a stopover at the King's residence on our way home.  I am only taking Junior because she is the only one in my family that truly appreciates Elvis like I do....though, I suspect it is for this reason only....

What can I say, she has good taste!

I really want to take the Graceland tour.  I want to see the Jungle Room.  I admit it.  No shame.  None.  Because the beauty of Elvis Presley is that you could never be born too late to be a fan!  

Elvis died when I was 9 years old.  But that means nothing.  He was bigger than life, and we still have access to him through music, movies, and books.  We can choose an instant play movie of his on Netflix, iTunes is rife with his music...performed by he and many others... and we can Google a gazillion images of him in one keystroke.  Instant Elvis keeps us as perpetual fans!

And then, there is that chance, that once in a lifetime possibility that we...just...might...meet...him.  Though many people think that Elvis began being sighted in Kalamazoo, MI in 1987, according to the Elvis Information Network, spiritual and live sightings of Elvii began occurring immediately after his "death".  

I don't want to overstate the obvious, but if you owned this....

Peacock Room in Elvis Presley's Graceland Mansion

Would you be hanging out here......

Kalamazoo, MI

Just sayin'....I will take my chances trying to sight Elvis at Graceland.  And if he "isn't home", as they like to say at his estate, I will just trek down to Democrat Road in Memphis and check out the King of the World: Elvis Tribute Artist World Championships!  Here I can meet literally hundreds of Elvii!    You can, too!  From the rules of the contest, it seems every forethought has been meticulously planned to give the most authentic Elvis Experience...including rules number 3 and 11 which strictly mandate the use and sharing of scarves during a performance!

I am thinking that after a hard day of touring the King's Rock 'n Roll Palace and investigating his disappearance, Junior and I are going to need some serious nourishment.  I am hoping to catch us a great PB&B sandwich (Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich...yes, I know it is unhealthy, but yolo..unless you are Elvis, who may or may not be on his second life according to this information).  It seems to me, in my research, that the best place to try this hip shakin' super sandwich will be at the oldest restaurant in Memphis, the Arcade.  They bury the sandwich on the last page of their online menu, but most reviews say, this is the place to go for Presley's favorite num num!

I hope to end the day with a good night's rest.  Where, you ask?  Well, where else would an Elvis fan stay?

Perhaps in one of the Elvis-themed Suites here...

I hope to make the pilgrimage visit in June.  Any helpful hints on tracking down the King or other things to do in Memphis that are Elvis related, are greatly appreciated!  Leave them in the comments section because right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Reclaiming the Family Road Trip

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

~ Ernest Hemingway

Generally speaking, it is not a good sign when your house is an hour and a half behind you as you forge ahead with a two day drive ahead of you and from the backseat you hear a voice say, "Are we in Minnesota yet??"  This is unfortunate not only because you still have a full two day drive ahead of you, but because you aren't planning on being anywhere NEAR Minnesota!

Call me a romantic, or an optimist...or even crazy, but I believe that the Art of the Family Road Trip is being lost and it makes me sad. 

I know not everyone feels this way.  Most people would rather be to their destination by any way other than car travel.  Most people would love to go to sleep and wake up at their desired location.  Most people would rather have a separate room in their car for their kids. 

Most people would miss out.

But, the art of the Family Road Trip is not in how you do it.  It is in what you come away with.  Anybody can play movies from Colorado to Tennessee, but what does anyone come away with (okay, besides a bit more sanity in the short run)?  There are so many observations to be made when you are trying to engage your kids and keep them from pulling each others' hair out!  The Family Road Trip is the ultimate catalyst for creativity.  It forges the strongest ties that bind us together. 

And it can be unbelievably eye opening.

As you plan your road trip, I hope my Techniques for Mastering the Art of the Family Road Trip will help:

*Make sure you drive through Kansas.  Yeah, I know what you are thinking, "Kansas?  Why on earth?  It is flat!  It is boring!"  Boring you say?  I am sorry, but I must beg to differ!  Where else in the whole US can you visit Prairie Dog Town?  Home to "the Largest Prairie Dog in the world - 800 Pounds!", or see a REAL "5 legged Cow" , or buffalo pheasants (though I am pretty sure that one was just an error in grammar)???  Only in a state so boring, it has to rely on freaks of nature to spice it up!  Also, while you and I think a state FULL of cornfields is boring...young children are amazed to know that that much of their favorite vegetable is so bountiful in ONE state!  And, as you travel there, you will come to realize why some folks refer to Kansas as God's Country. Something about that state increases your prayer life.  As I drove through it, I found my prayers to be constant.  "Lord THANK YOU for delivering my father's side of the family from this land.  And God, PLEASE don't ever make me have to come live here!"

*Never underestimate the power of Bribery.  My friend taught me this one!  I always buy a BIG bag of chocolate goodies and keep them on hand.  When people start losing it, you would be amazed how fast they can pull it together if there is a promise of caramel and chocolate for being polite for the next 15 minutes!  This actually IS a powerful tool.  My kids now know they will get MORE treats if I DON'T have to bribe them.  After learning this, we now only give treats to say thank you for traveling well, when we make pit stops.

*Drive through the Midwest during a summer heat wave.  There are several benefits to this lunacy.  First is that I don't care how much you dislike your car....if it has air conditioning, you will have a new-found love for it!  You will also make great time because just getting out of the car and walking into the convenience store for the restroom will make you feel like, in the words of Lizard Boy, you "are walking right in a fire"...thereby encouraging you to make less stops so that you can stay in the AC comfort of your car!  Also...when you DO walk through the fiery heat to the convenience store and find that THEIR AC is NOT working, you will have absolutely NO guilt about having a root beer float after sitting your butt all day in the car!

Guilt Free Floats!

*Stay at an aesthetically challenged hotel.  What else makes the Cracker Barrel seem gourmet?

Yes, that is our room number TAPED to our door!

*Talk to the locals.  Not only is every state different in geography, but the people in each state have their own unique attributes and wisdom.  Such was the case when we traveled to Tennessee and stopped in Missouri, and met our waitress, Renee (not her real name, but pretty close) at The Cracker Barrel .  She  was born in Colorado, and is now living in Missouri and had some special insight for us regarding Tennessee.  According to this food service sage, we might be able to get quite a bit of Christmas shopping taken care of any time we are  visiting the Volunteer State.  Renee assured us EVERY person in Tennessee has SOMETHING for sale in their front yard.  Including and especially El Camino cars!  Whew!  Soon we will have two licensed drivers and were wondering where we might be able to pick up an extra cherry truck-car for one of them!

In other words....things that drive so many people crazy when venturing across country with their kids in their cars are actually the things I think we will laugh about  for a long time to come.  We don't stay at the Ritz when we are on the road.  We don't eat at swanky resort restaurants.  But we laugh a lot.  Come on....AN 800 POUND PRAIRIE DOG?  What's not to laugh about?!

So, Missouri or Minnesota, who cares?  As long as we are all together and laughing!

Share your tips and I will be sure to consider them on my next Road Trip.  For now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Daytripper - Denver Dim Sum and the Art of Family Bonding

"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." ~ Lao Tzu
"...unless you are a good traveler in Colorado searching out good dim sum.  Then a good traveler is VERY intent on arriving."  ~ Jill Yuen

Sometimes you don't need to board a plane or attach the car top carrier and drive for two days to take a really meaningful trip together.  While most times, I agree that the journey is where the real family bonding occurs in traveling, there are times when the destination is the true experience that fetters us to one another.

This weekend was one such time for us.

Our family hails from California, where Kahuna and I spent around 40 years of our lives before moving to Colorado.  We were ready for a lifestyle change, and after a great adventure to Colorado, we bought a house, moved and never looked back.  There are only three things we really miss about living in California.  Family. Friends. And really good Chinese food.

Really good Chinese food is not readily available on every corner in Colorado, like it is in many parts of California.  And even if you find credible Chinese food, you can rarely find dim sum.

Dim sum literally means, "to touch your heart" and I cannot think of a better description.  Dim sum are like Chinese hors d'oeuvres.  They are steamed or fried "dumplings".  Just three or four to a plate, but the choices are endless.  But for our family, dim sum is more than that.

Chinese families do a lot of bonding over food. Going out for a dim sum brunch, in Kahuna's family, meant everyone...EVERYONE....met up and ate together.  Seventeen of us would meet up and get a giant table and the feasting would begin.  Waitresses push carts full of bamboo steaming baskets or little white plates and show you all the cart's offerings.  One simply points at the dishes they would like to try.  The food is small and the carts meaner slowly through the restaurants. This gives family time to eat, and wait.  And while waiting for the next cart to arrive, there is time for discussion, for talking about what is new and important in our family members' lives and what plans they are making and what the kids are up to.  In other words, you eat a little, you bond a little, you eat a little more, you bond a little more.  While there are not 17 of us here in Colorado, we still do the eating and bonding on a smaller scale of our immediate family.

So...the quest for authentic and delicious dim sum is more than just eating a plate of egg rolls (which really good dim sum restaurants won't serve a lot of, by the way.).

Leaving in Sundance, the Dim Sum Party Car!

The closest dim sum restaurant to us is in Denver.  In possibly one of the worst areas of town.  You drive past scary abandoned warehouses with broken windows to get there.  But Star Kitchen is well worth the trek through unsavory areas.  The restaurant's website itself admits it isn't much to look at by the strip mall that contains it, but it does have amazing dim sum.

The restaurant had 2 caucasians in it, besides me.  Most people are Asian and speaking everything but English (which, if you don't speak the languages, can make for a fun game of Guess What They're Talking About). Families were all meeting up for a special time of eating and bonding.  It is noisy.  It is pungent. And it is heavenly!

If language barriers are intimidating for you, but you are adventurous in your food explorations, then I can't think of a better choice than a dim sum outing for you.  At Star Kitchen, many of the waitresses speak English and all the table captains do.  But, the beauty of dim sum is that you just look and point at the things that look interesting to you and the waitress will serve it up.  You can't go wrong!  We had one waitress that after a while of serving us knew just what to offer.  She didn't take no for an answer.  She would say, "You try.  You WILL like." and she was always right.  Star Kitchen offers some of the items that Kahuna grew up on and some new fares.  In particular, their seafood offerings are wonderful.

Spidey liked the Fried Shrimp Ball best.

Jef and Junior with an array of baos, meatballs, shu mai and ha gow.

Having a dim sum meal was like coming home for us.  Most of our friends here in Colorado don't know the magic that is dim sum, so it is something special just between the members of our family.  A familiarity and intimacy we have together that others just don't get. And it makes us think of our family and Kahuna and the kids' childhood.  It is a fine reminiscing that happens when our family eats dim sum.  For you, it may be like visiting an exotic locale.  Or maybe somewhere in between!  The point is, if you are missing excellent dim sum, Star Kitchen will not disappoint.  If you have never had dim sum, this is the best place to give it a shot!  Dim sum, like our  favorite, Yeung Qi Dze (eggplant stuffed with shrimp) can be quite challenging to pick up with chopsticks for some people (including our #2), so brush up before you go, or your better prepared dining companions will get all the goodies before you get a taste!

Aiya!  Still can't get it!

My advice if you go is to try everything!  The waitresses are good about letting you know, "pork", "chicken", "sweet", "red bean", "seafood", etc.  Whether you like the particular dish that you ordered a lot or a little, it will give you plenty to talk about.  

Where do you travel to enjoy food and life together as a family?  You'll have to leave your answer in the comments section, because, right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Of Bunny Rabbits, Fox Urine and Denver International Airport

"We must travel in the direction of our fear."  - John Berryman

I love to travel.  And it is no secret to those who know me that my favorite way to get to the places I am going to visit is by packing up kids, car and Kahuna and hitting the road in Ol' Sundance for an old fashioned Family Road Trip.  Andalsohateflyingandamscaredtorideinairplanes.

Not only do I enjoy singing to all our favorite songs, listening to audiobooks and conversing with the family while on the ground, but I also appreciate the freedom the open road extends travelers!  We can stop when we want, we can eat where we want, we can even park where we want!  No such liberties are available to the poor innocent that travels by airplane.

I realize that my blog is starting off sounding more like an anti-air travel advertisement than excursion encouragement, but besides writing about great places to visit, I hope to also advise tourists of pitfalls they may wish to avoid, and alternative modes of transportation to consider.

And also....the hazards of rabbits.

Yes, rabbits.  After I posted yesterday about my escapades at Denver International Airport, my friend, Paula, wrote me about an interesting infestation that is occurring in the very parking lots that imprisoned me at DIA.

Apparently, wildlife agencies are removing up to 100 "bunnies" a month from the parking lots at Denver International Airport.  Why?  Because, it seems, that the "bunnies", as the news agencies continue calling them, are chewing through the ignition wires of the parked cars!  The airport claims no responsibility for the damage and insurance won't cover the destruction of these crucial car wires.  The only option is to try to rid the lots of the "bunnies" and ask the travelers to protect their own cars.

How do you protect your cars from "bunny wabbits" you ask, Elmer Fudd?  Get this....with FOX or COYOTE URINE!  Now, perhaps I am overstating the obvious, but....if you can round up foxes and coyotes to collect their urine, why not just turn them loose on the rabbits instead?  That seems like it would be a whole lot easier than having foxes and coyotes pee in a cup.  But before you despair about your upcoming trip to DIA and start setting traps for foxes, let me let you in on a little secret.  They SELL bottled fox urine in stores!!!  Yes, they do!  Really!  Supposedly, the effective fox urine smells much like cat urine.  Lovely.   And Denver International Airport recommends you get some and spray all your wires in your car with it before you come to park in their lots.

Don't believe me?  Check out this news report:
Bunnies Attacking Cars at DIA Video
I am just going to come right out and say it.  At some point, when adorable, little animals become destructive beasts, we need to stop calling them by cute names ("bunnies) and start calling them by what they really are...

WERE-RABBITS!

So, as you can see my list of reasons to travel by car grows and grows, while incentive to fly is quickly fleeting.  But don't let me dissuade you from this mode of travel, if you prefer it.  My recommendation is either cough up the extra bucks to fly out of Colorado Springs, or "hop" to it and get some fox urine for your car wires and clothes pins for your noses and continue to fly out of DIA!  As for me, the next time I travel I will be traveling by scenic highways and byways in my sweet smelling Sundance Party Car.  But right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Bowling for Tumbleweeds and Other Adventures in and Around Denver International Airport

"Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport.  The ones who will drive you are your true friends.  The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances." - Jay Leno

Perhaps the biggest, nee, greatest decision one can make when planning a family trip is which mode of transportation to take to your desired destination.  Others might argue that the destination itself is the most important decision, but I would have to disagree.  Indeed, you could choose the most wonderful vacation location and ruin your vacation before it even starts by selecting the wrong vehicle by which to travel.  Believe me…I know.  I have taken them all.

In my opinion, planes are the worst form of holiday travel.  Maybe it's just me.....

I hate airports.  They involve airplanes.  And I really hate airplanes.  Well, not to look at, but if it involves me getting in one, I hate them!  And most people hate when I am on one with them.  So, I would say, this automatically takes air travel out of the running for me and my family.   

If I am honest, it isn’t actually the airplanes that I hate, or even flying in them.  It is the idea of crashing that I dread.  My mother always tells me, “Jill, if it is your time to go, it is your time to go.  You can’t change it.”  This may be true, but if I never set foot in an airplane, my ‘time to go’ won’t include falling 30,000 feet out of the sky.   Yet, even I know there are times when air travel is the only way to meet your journey’s end.  If the flight was all I had to contend with, the right medications is all it would take.  But, before I ever set foot on the airplane, I have to contend with the airport itself.  And that is where it all breaks down.

It may be an easy feat for most people to get to the airport.  Not for me.  My trip to the airport includes my husband, five children and me, who is usually ready to throw up thinking about boarding the plane.  Taking this many children with me, of course, means I have an hour less to get ready to get out of the house and make our flight, because that is how much extra time you have to add to your schedule when it includes catching, wrestling, hog-tying, and shoe-tying two squirrely little boys!  If I can get all that done, cram the luggage in the car and buckle everyone up without forgetting anyone…I have EARNED my vacation!

When deciding whether to travel by plane, there is an important fact to remember: You have to go to the airport.  One of the last times I went to the airport, I didn't even get on the plane, but I needed a massage when I got home!  And I don't mean some little-back-rub-by-one-of-the-kids.  I mean a Broadmoor or BUST massage!  Soothing music, quiet, relaxing.  A real massage.  Why?  If you need to ask that, you have never been to the Denver International Airport.

Given my extreme distaste for air travel, there is no love lost between me and DIA.  If it had just been the airport, that would have been bad enough.  But the whole escapade to, from and at the airport made it a hundred times worse. And I wasn't even the one traveling!  I was just dropping off two of my girls, Butterfly and Jef.

Besides going to a place that I hate, there was an added measure of "fun" that day. We had high wind advisories.  And with tha,t we had an extremely heavy migration of tumbleweeds.  I thought those things were only in Arizona and bad western movies...or on my friend, Shannon's dinner plate.  I don't know why, but when Shannon told me she eats tumbleweed, I thought it was so odd.  Once you see them on the highway and hit several of them, however, they do appear to be vegetative roadkill.  The way they run across the highway and jump at your windshield, trying wildly to get into your car, really makes them seem as though they are alive.  Like they are a vicious thing to be hunted!  At some points near Denver International Airport, where the winds were really picking up, the herds of tumbleweeds were so thick, I couldn't see the road.  There was no swerving...I just had to run them over and keep going.  I hope someone called animal control.

As I neared the exit for the airport, the tumbleweeds, thankfully, dissipated and I had a sense that the worst was over.  Alas, I should have known better.  How could I think I would have an easy go of things at an airport that looks like a giant circus tent, guarded by a three story, rearing, blue horse with glowing orange eyes?  What was I thinking?

My husband, Big Kahuna, told me that morning that I should park in the short term parking.  Two dollars more an hour, but you are "right in and right out" he said.  At this point in my post, I find the need to write a letter.  Bear with me...

Dear City of Denver and Airport Sign Making and Posting Personnel,

I would like to apply for a job as a sign maker and sign poster for your airport.  It is clear that you need no college experience because...well, it is clear you do not need a brain.  I certainly am overqualified in that case, as I do have a brain and mine works, but perhaps you will consider me for the job anyway.

Sincerely,

Jill Yuen

If you were putting up a sign for parking, wouldn't you include directions for ALL parking?  And if you put up signs for parking, wouldn't you make sure ALL your parking options were listed on the signs before a fork in the road?  Before leading others to think there is only one parking exit option?  I would.  I definitely would.  I wouldn't make people look at one sign for parking and ask them to make the assumption that there is only one parking exit and then list another parking option on another sign way past the first parking exit option.  A sign that cannot be seen from the first parking sign that leads them to believe this is the only parking sign and only parking exit option. Nope, I wouldn't do it that way.  But DIA apparently does do it that way.  But, I didn't know that....SO...

I took the only exit you can see when parking options are listed.  Silly me, I didn't know you had to progress to "Arrivals" to see on that sign that there is ANOTHER parking option.  I got the little ticket and traveled past the completely packed Economy Lot and began looking for the Short Term Parking my husband had told me to look for.  My daughter, Junior, who had recently been to the airport with her dad, confirmed that, indeed, I was going the right way. (Short note here....in our family, you are either a Lichty/my side of the family or a Yuen/Kahuna's side of the family.  Which gene pool you swim in is determined by your sense of direction.  For example, Butterfly is a Yuen: she couldn't find her way out of a paper bag.  She takes after her dad, Kahuna, whom we affectionately call WW for Wrong Way Yuen.  On the other hand, Jef could get you from Colorado to California without a map...she is a Lichty.  Unfortunately, Junior's gene preference had not been made known to us before this trip...but let me tell you most assuredly, she is a YUEN!)  I began to hope against hope that even though all the signs for the garage said FULL, there would be someone leaving.  I drove and drove and drove.  Thousands of cars and no one was leaving!  I drove and drove and drove some more.  Somehow, I navigated myself out of the garage, but I realized there was no Short Term Parking here and I was going to have to go through the exit and pay to get out of this section of the airport and resume my search elsewhere.  I called Kahuna, who told me to just tell the exit operators that I made a mistake (understatement) and just let me out so I can go to Short Term Parking, which my husband added, is actually gotten to by taking the "Arrivals" exit.  But, I was concentrating so hard on what he was telling me on the phone and marveling at the fact that there was another parking option, but it wasn't on the Parking sign that I made a wrong turn and ended up in a an "Authorized Vehicle Only" area!!  At this point I was stuck behind an automatic gate that only automatically opened if you were authorized, which I was not.  Oh yeah, and there was a bus behind me.  I was now reduced to pushing the red button that matched the shade of my face color on the gate call box and tell them, "Hi.  I am applying for job here at the airport as a sign maker and sign poster and to prove that I have no brain so I can get the job, I am now stuck where I do not belong with a bus blocking me."  After 30 seconds of hysterical laughter between the gate operator and the bus driver, the bus finally backed up and so did I.  I decided my husband's idea of telling the exit gate operators I made a mistake and just needed to go to Short Term Parking was my only option.  When I got to the exit booth and explained it all to the lady, she said it was fine, and to take the "Arrivals" exit (seriously, if everyone is willing to tell you to take the "Arrivals" exit, why don't they just write it on the stupid Parking sign??!)....and that she had to charge me for my joy ride through the parking garage.  I hate the airport.

So, I paid my money and got back around to approaching the airport.  I finally took the "Arrivals" exit and found Short Term Parking very easily.  Parked, piled the kids and baggage out of the car and proceeded to the terminal.

By that point, I had to use the bathroom so badly, I left Butterfly and Jef to check in on their own.  But nothing about that day was easy.  Especially because I was at the airport.  With all of my kids.  Of course, the boys had to go to the bathroom, too.  Junior and I took them with us.  I chose to take Lizard Boy, because usually he is the easier of the two boys for me to manage and I didn't want to have an accident and wet my pants while dealing with Spidey.  Lizard Boy, however, had to go as badly as I did...a fact he did not tell me until we were in the bathroom.  Excruciating, that's what it was.  And that is all I have to say about that.

Once I made it out of the bathroom, the older girls were all checked in and ready to say good-bye and head down to security.  We hugged.  We kissed.  We waved good-bye.  The three younger kids and I stood upstairs, watching the girls make their way to security.  I wanted to keep an eye on them because the younger of the two girls had no ID and I wanted to make sure it wasn't an issue.  She got right through.  Ahhh, at last, something easy.

Or so I thought.

After my daughters got halfway undressed and went through the metal detectors, a security guard directed them to an "agent designated special security area".  Oh no.  Now what?  They were talking to my daughter that did not have ID.  The daughter who hates confrontation, and sometimes even just conversation!  The guard seemed nice enough, but it was obvious there was some sort of issue and the girls remained detained.  The guard monkeyed around with my kid's stuff some more and then sent them both on their way.  The girls turned and waved and blew kisses with giant smiles on their faces.  I was yelling, "What happened?!" over and over, but they just smiled and disappeared in the tunnel to the departure gates.

Later, the girls called me as they were boarding the plane.  They told me they were detained because Jef had a pocket knife given to her by her Christian youth leaders in her bag!!  I think after my foray into the "Authorized Vehicles Only" section of the parking lot and Jef's weapon stash they heightened the security advisory to red (SEVERE).

I am pretty sure they won't let my car back on airport property.  Even to pick up my knife-wielding delinquent minor.   Which ought to be interesting because both Butterfly and I are flying to California in a couple of months.  So who wants to take us?  Just let me know.  And remember....

Take the "Arrivals" exit.

Gotta Mosey!

Perfecting the Art of Family Travel

Robert Louis Stevenson said, "To travel hopefully is better than to arrive."  There are no truer words for the family that travels together!  Nothing gives you hope like taking two parents and all the kids you can muster on a trip.  Whether it be by car, rail, air, or foot, when you add more than one person to your itinerary - especially if they are under 18 -  hope becomes the biggest concern of our journey.

We hope:

*we make it there safely
*we make it there sanely
*we don't lose anything
*we don't lose anyone
*we don't miss our flight
*there is a gas station coming soon
*that we don't have to listen to Taylor Swift one more time on this trek, or surely heads will roll!

With so many details hanging precariously in the balance, it is easy to see why hope is the key component when practicing the art of Family Travel.  And make no mistake, it IS an art form.

Over the years, my husband and I have had opportunity to traverse this country with many children in tow.  It wasn't always easy, and almost always involved bribes and candy.  But, I can say with great confidence now, that I actually enjoy travels with my family.  Especially road trips!  Nothing delights me more than all seven of us packing into Ol' Sundance (our Party Car, as it is affectionately known) and going off to places previously unexplored.  That being said, it wasn't always so.  I have had years to develop this art form.  A lot of you may not have the years our family had to refine your travels.  That is why I am writing this blog.  I hope that you will be inspired to experience new locales, avoid travel pitfalls and thoroughly enjoy your journey by learning from our family's mistakes struggles adventures!

I am looking forward to wandering with you, but right now, I

Gotta Mosey