Get Out Of Denver, Better Go! Go!

“The people in flight from the terror behind-strange things happen to them, some bitterly cruel and some so beautiful that the faith is refired forever.”  ~ John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

I am back from my trip to California.  And when I say, "I am back", let me tell you, that was no easy feat!  Just about every single fear I have related to flying in an airplane and being in an airport were confirmed on my trip!  So...if you are tuning in today to see how to survive the wild ride from Denver to San Jose and back again...you picked a great day to blog surf!

Every SINGLE thing that could go wrong, went wrong at the Denver Airport at the start of our travels.  Every. Single. Thing.  Starting with the drive up to the airport.

If you have read about my other escapades at the airport here, then you know that before you even get on a flight in Denver, you have had to overcome several other challenges first.  But this day was like no other I have experienced.  On this particular day that we departed for the airport, it seemed like the same ol' thing. We were blown all over the highway again.  There were the usual tumbleweeds to keep the near 70 mile obstacle course interesting. This time, however, we had an added new bonus I had not experienced before. We were transported to Depression Era Oklahoma!  Yes!  It is true....both Time and Geographical Travel overcame us on our drive in our Dodge TARDIS.  As we made our way toward the airport, it became darker, and darker. We looked northwest, but all we could see was an ENORMOUS dust cloud of depression era proportion!  I expected the Joads to pull up alongside us in their jalopy at any moment.  As the wind grew gustier, the dust became so thick we could hardly see the other cars on the road.  Great!  As I considered both the wind and visibility factors for my flight, it was hard to tell if the car was shaking from the gale force winds blowing it, or from me shuddering from sheer terror.  It was the first time ever that I couldn't wait to get to the airport...if only to escape the blind car ride.

Road to Denver International Airport (kinda)

Once we actually arrived at the airport a whole other trial confronted us!  How to get our bags out of the car without them or us blowing away!  We were having gusts of 60 mph winds and our suitcases were paying the price.  But the worst was how the wind blew us!  As I grabbed a hold of Butterfly to pull her into the safety of the airport (there is a term I never thought I would use...or would be true!), I had a vision of her flying up in the air and me flying her like a kite while I tried to wrestle her inside.  It was horrifying, I tell you!

Me and Butterfly

It is hard to believe that I actually felt safer at the airport than on the road....but that tells you just how bad it was.  As we made our way into the the airport, it seemed the horrible parts were coming to an end and I would only have to deal with my irrational fear of flying now.  But, it just can never be that easy if involves me, a trip and an airplane.  Sigh.

After Butterfly and I checked in and gave our personal belongings over to airline staff, we climbed aboard the train to take us to the C Terminal where our airline was located.  We exited the train and decided to eat a little dinner and calm ourselves myself for our flight.  After we finished our extremely overpriced and barely average dinner (not exactly what I had hoped for for what could possibly be my last meal...even criminals get something better than that!), we headed over to our gate and found...it didn't exist.  Well at least not in the C Terminal!  Turns out, ha, ha, that our airline actually has gates in TWO terminals on opposite ends of the airport, and we were in the wrong one.  Remember the OJ Simpson Hertz ads?  Yeah, that was us!  We ran all the way to the train and then we ran all the way to our gate, where everyone was already lined up.  As we stood gasping for air, we listened to the announcement coming over the loudspeaker for our flight.  It seemed our plane had ice on the wings.  Which is bad.  But, we had plenty of de-icer. Which is good.  But, it was so windy that they couldn't de-ice the plane because the fluid kept icing up due to the wind gusts.  Which is very, very bad.  

Did I mention that the reason the winds were so cold was because we had a blizzard on the way?  And that every minute we stayed on the ground increased our chances of not being able to leave?  Or, worse yet, having to fly through the blizzard?! True story.

We sat awaiting more information and making polite conversation with people around us.  When our plane was 3 hours delayed, people around us started booking hotel rooms and getting taxis.  But, still we waited.  When we were 3.5 hours delayed, the woman next to us finally admitted she was hoping they would cancel the flight as "she didn't want to die today anyway."  I laughed and admitted that I was scared to fly too...especially since if we weren't cancelled, we had to hope the de-icer actually worked and then we would be flying through the blizzard.  Directly following this conversation, when our flight was 3.5 hours and two minutes delayed and all of our confessions of fear and death were still hanging in the air, they announced that they would be boarding our plane!

Before they started boarding, I made a trip to the restroom where I ran into a nun.  No....I don't mean I came into the bathroom and there was a nun.  I mean as I was rounding the corner to the bathroom from one side, she was rounding the corner from the other and I ran into her and stepped on her habit!  Surely, I thought, there is some sort of divine discipline for stepping on a nun!  And as I pondered what that might possibly mean for me on this flight, I remembered seeing a nun on a plane before....

Anyone remember the fun flick this clip is from?  Yeah, that's right.....the 1975 disaster film, Airport 1975, about a jet that collides with a smaller plane and fights against gravity without a pilot for the rest of the film!  Not only that....but check out the cutie pie that the nun is singing to.  Is anyone else freaked out that the nun is singing to the kid from the Exorcist???  In my mind, my flight was spiraling downward, possibly in a literal sense, as I left the restroom and noticed the Sister was on our flight.  Really?!  Oh, God has such a sense of humor!

It was amongst all of this that I boarded our flight with fear and trepidation....and flew one of the smoothest flights I have been on in a long time.  I am sure Butterfly was more thankful than I about that.  

Overall, the flight was tolerable and led to a great trip.  I will have to tell you more about that later, cuz right now, I

Gotta Mosey.

Leavin' On a Jet Plane

"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." ~ Henry Miller

Well, today is the day.  California, here I come.  On a plane.  For two hours.  Ugh.

No secret if you read my blog....I HATE flying.  I KNOW it is an irrational fear and that blah, blah, blah (all the reasons people give me to feel completely comfortable while being in the sky, which God did not intend - proven by the fact that I do not have wings, or even feathers...but I digress).  I still hate air travel.

I tried to do a little research on overcoming my flight anxiety, but the articles I read were worthless.  Okay, I only read one.  Well, really just part of one article.  But, trust me, it was worthless.  It was written by a flight attendant who feared flying (that should have been my first clue that perhaps this "professional" was not going to share anything helpful...who picks a career that terrifies them???...but, I digress again).  The author of the article mentioned ONE thing that helped them face their fear of flying:  learning everything they could about plane crashes.

WHAT?

Yep, you heard that right.  Study, learn about, ruminate on plane crashes.  The actual falling from the sky and impacting the ground really hard in a giant, airborne (or not so much, as the case may be) vehicle.  Yes, nothing says calm and level-headed like learning about plummeting thousands of feet in the air.  I read the first three sentences, broke out in a cold sweat and then passed out.  The good news is, when I came to, I had a much better way of dealing with my flight today than learning about airline accidents.

I started thinking about what would make me enjoy air travel more.  I think I have come up with a pretty good list...see what you think.

1. In-flight Massage.  Yes, this would definitely help me relax and tolerate the flight more.  And I am not talking about some cheesy, coin operated "magic fingers" massage chair.  I want a real massage therapist.  One that not only works muscle relaxing magic, but who can also restrain me when we hit turbulence and I try to jump up and bolt.  And if I didn't actually have to get on the plane and the massage could somehow take place on a beach that I didn't have to fly to, that would be even better.

2. Live Entertainment.  Here is what I find about in-flight entertainment.  Your flight is either too short to have a movie, or the movie they show is about plane crashes or you get a great comedy and then land before it is over! And that comedy is usually some obscure film that is not carried by either Netflix OR Amazon and you never find out if monkey found the secret to life and saved the planet through his humorous antics or not. And you spend the next three years tortured for want of closure.  But, again, I digress.  I believe the best way to offer an entertaining distraction that also does not strike fear and frustration in the heart of the traveler is to have live entertainment.  I know I would happily pay 100.00 more for a flight where Tim Hawkins or Jerry Seinfeld was headlining.  Or better yet, David Copperfield.  He could make our plane disappear and then magically reappear at our destination seconds later.  Yes!  I vote for David Copperfield!!!!

3. Treadmills.  Not to actually use.  I hate treadmills.  But that is the beauty of this ingenious idea!  If given the choice to sit all chill in an airplane seat, crammed between two unpleasant passengers or walk/run on a dreadmill for the duration of the flight, I think I might just enjoy flight more than previously thought.  And if sitting calmly on the flight proves to be more than I can bear, I would have the option of using the treadmill to burn off nervous energy.

4. Airplane Smorgasbord.  But with real food...not that airline, prepackaged, rehydrated gross stuff.  Nothing says "calm, cool and collected" like stress eating comfort food.  I think the whole flight should be catered by Cracker Barrel.  And the meal should include the golf tee game, which would keep me completely occupied, albeit, frustrated throughout the remainder of the flight.  Bring on the biscuits!

5. Hot towels.  This is a little service that usually only first class or international passengers receive.  I think this little mid-air refresher should be available to every traveler on every flight.  No matter how short the flight or poor the passenger.

And also, the towel should be sufficiently drenched with ether.  Yes, this is the best idea.

Well, I leave soon, so pray for me.  But more than that, pray for Butterfly, who has to endure the flight with me!

Gotta Mosey!

Spring Thaw Singin'

"California dreaming on such a winter's day." - The Mamas and the Papas

The main thing I am going to miss when I travel to California in ELEVEN days is listening to a California playlist for two days while driving into the state.  This year, since I am flying, I won't have that kind of ramp up time.  I get two and half hours.  That's it.  But, I have decided to compile a list anyway, and listen to it for the whole week before I leave.  I think it will add a sense of enjoyment to the mundane tasks of printing and organizing.

Feel free to join me.  If you are in a wintery sort of place, it may be just the bit of sunshine you have been needing.

With no further ado, I give you - Jill's Top 5 Songs of Her California Playlist


5.  California Sun - The Ramones
It is COLD where I live in Colorado presently.  I am looking forward to a nice thaw.  The beauty of this song is that it starts warming me up just listening!  AND...this rendition is performed by the Ramones!  Which makes it totally cool.  So, you get a Hot/Cool thing going on, which I believe honors my home Sunshiney State and my current Beautiful but Really Chilly State of residence!

4.  Route 66 - John Mayer

There is no denying...I am going to miss the Road Trip to California.  The ONLY nice thing about driving through Gallup, New Mexico, is that at least you are on a historic road...AND you can sing this FAB song over and over and never get sick of it!  

3.  Do You Know the Way to San Jose? - Dionne Warwick

Everyone knows California Girls, Surfer Bird, Ride the Wild Surf, and Wipeout.  Southern California has some amazing beaches.  But, I can't stand Southern California.  Smog, traffic and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks make me steer clear of the whole bottom half of the state.  My heart resides in Northern California.  In the beauty of the Redwoods, big ocean bluffs and....the Silicon Valley (?!).  Well, a lot has changed since Dionne recorded this song...there is less room and probably more fame and fortune are found in the Valley up north than in Hollywood.  But, I have a lot of friends in San Jose just like Dionne....so I guess it hasn't changed THAT much.  Great folks still live there!

2. Folsom Prison Blues - Midas Whale

Okay...I got no one to visit there.  Just making that clear.  But, my guilty pleasure is NBC's The Voice and two days ago they had a magnificent team sing this song and this is an underhanded attempt to expose you to it.  Check it out!  (totally downloading the song...you should too!)

1.  California Dreaming - The Mamas and the Papas

If I have to explain why this is on the list, you have never heard the song.

Ahhhh....I can already sense the feeling returning to my toes!  I am thawing out just listening to these classics!  What are your favorite travel tunes?  Let me know in the comments section....I have ELEVEN days to fill with music!  Right now, I

Gotta Mosey!