It's All Fun and Games....Til Someone Forgets Their ID

"The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say to not bring food, sharp tools or any shred of dignity." ~ Jimmy Fallon

20 Questions!  The Alphabet Game!  I Spy!  Slug-a-Bug!  All classic travel games to make a trip more interesting and fun.  But, Butterfly and I discovered a new game on the way home from California.  All you need is 2 TSA Agents, 1 long line of impatient travelers, 1 CIA Agent in Langley, VA, a phone and 0 pieces of ID.   It's called "Jeopardy! TSA Edition", and we played it like a BOSS.

Come on down!

Being selected as a contestant on "J!TE" is really quite an exclusive process.  Only one out of several hundred get a chance to play.  You simply show up in the airport security line like everyone else...with one slight difference.  You don't bring your identification.  It's that simple!  No TSA agent can resist giving you the opportunity to "come on down"!

Once you have been chosen as a competitor for "J!TE", a senior TSA Agent greets you at a special game podium and invites you to play the first round of the game, "To Tell the Truth to the CIA", on the phone. During this round of the show your mother is allowed to watch, but not allowed to coach you in any way, shape or form. Calling a friend, polling the audience or using any kind of lifeline is strictly prohibited. Any coaching from the audience results not only in expulsion from the game, but also a ride to the local CIA office for a bonus round of "Are You a Terrorist?"  ( I'll take "I Swear My Parents are American Citizens" for 500, Alex.)

While playing "To Tell the Truth to the CIA", the contestant is invited to answer questions being asked of the TSA Agent by a CIA Agent for the contestant to answer.  The rules just get more confusing from there.

CIA:  La Paz Ct.
Contestant:  What is...my former address?

CIA:  XXXX
Contestant:  What are....the last four digits of my dad's cell phone?

CIA:  Monty Circle
Contestant:  Ummmm...not sure.....ummmm....I'd like to buy a vowel please.

The "To Tell the Truth" part of the game show has a team bonus round if the contestant is very young and doesn't have much history recorded in Langley.  In this round, "The Mom is Right", the competitor gets to include their mother on the team, because apparently the government has LOTS of information on her....even though she is very young and youthful looking, too.  During this round of the game, the CIA asks questions of the original contestant and when she is unable to answer the question, the CIA requires the TSA to ask the mother the same question and one more...just to make sure she is Telling the Truth.

If you make it out of the "To Tell the Truth" and "The Mom is Right" rounds, you move on to "Make Me Laugh TSA Tickle Edition".  I know this because we progressed to this part of the game, which involved walking through two different body scanners that actually required you to do some "TSA Twister" game moves first.  After the contestant is given the literal green light on the body scanners, they are escorted to the game stage for a full patdown.  But the fun doesn't stop there!  Oh no, the fun. Does. Not. Stop. There.

Once the contestant manages to not giggle through the patdown, they progress to the last round of the game. That would be the "Let's Swab Your Deals" round.  In this exciting game, the competitor is racing against the clock as the TSA Agent opens any and all luggage and wipes it down with some kind of coffee filter thing.  Every item in the carry on is opened and swabbed, then the filter is put in a machine which scans it for...for....well, I don't exactly know - BUT...if you can have all your items swabbed without setting any alarms off in time to make your flight, you move on to the last event....

"Run for Your Life".  In this round, both contestant and Mom make a mad dash to their airline gate because playing "Jeopardy!  TSA Edition" has taken up all the time that would have allowed for a leisurely meander to the gate.  In this last round, contestants bolt to the gate, run onto the plane and buckle up in a VERY limited amount of time.  It is in this last round of the game, when the contestants think they have won the jackpot, that they find out there is one more game to play.  "This is Your Life (Flashing Before Your Eyes)".  In this final round of the whole game, the contestants join a whole team of airline passengers strapped into flimsy seats for a ride that bounces you from CA to CO.  Awards go to competitors for "Loudest Prayers", "Child with the Largest Lung Capacity", "Synchronized Screaming" and more!  If you can make it the whole two hours without throwing up, you win the Jackpot...they let you off the plane safely at your intended destination.

Game shows not your cup of tea?  Then REMEMBER YOUR ID!

Gotta Mosey.

Packing with Butterfly

Woot!  Today, Gotta Mosey welcomes its first Guest Blogger!!!  This is an exciting moment for the blog!  So with no further ado, enjoy learning to how to pack as instructed by my daughter, Butterfly!

“As long as I’m not living out of a suitcase, I’m happy.” - Jacquelyn Jablonski

My life is a big trip. Since 2009, I’ve been out of my homestate over twenty times, culminating in what is easily the biggest road trip of my life - my five-month stint as a touring intern with the Institute for Cultural Communicators! This trip was five months in an unpredictable van with three pieces of luggage - a duffel bag, a garment bag and a purse. If that doesn’t teach you how to be a great packer, nothing else will! Before my tour, I used to stress for days about how to bring all the stuff I was positive I would need (read: I like to prepare for the worst by bringing absolutely everything I would possibly need, which comes in handy when it isn’t being a giant pain as it comes to packing). Now, I’ve discovered the perfect system for how to be an excellent packer and I come to share my extensive (cough, or something, cough) experience and knowledge of packing with the adventurous travelers of Gotta Mosey!

Here are a few probable packing problems you may encounter.

Scenario: Your trip is taking you from the land of Sun and Spring to the desolate wilderness of winter. Umm, how is all your cold weather gear supposed to fit in that suitcase?

Solution: First of all, why in the world are you leaving your springtime paradise?! If you don’t like the warmth, you could always send it here! (One of the many reasons I am SO excited to be headed to California in a couple weeks! SUNSHINE. NO BLIZZARDS.) If you decide that you still want, for some unavoidable reason, to travel to the land of frostbite, here are a few packing tips.

• Wear your thickest items on the plane. Poofy sweaters, clunky boots, and your winter coat are all good items to NOT pack. If you layer right, you won’t  even have to wear it all for the whole flight - a coat or sweater can come off and be stowed under your seat.
• Roll clothes tightly (you can even use a strip of blue painters’ tape to keep things tightly rolled) and fit those into the bottom of the suitcase. The heavier things can weight them down and make it possible to get your suitcase shut all the way.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Your shoes are all made out of brick, you had to bring four gold bars and a small elephant in your suitcase. Fifty pounds? Not gonna touch that.

Solution: As unlikely as it is that you’ll be packing gold bars and elephants, suitcase weight is a trouble for all of us uber-prepared (read: frightfully overprepared) packers. So before you despair of needing a forklift for your suitcase, try these tips:

• Start with a smaller suitcase. You’ll be surprised how much you can fit in, and a compact space means less likelihood of running over your weight limit.
• Consider how much heavy material you’ll need to pack. If you need three pairs of shoes, a full bottle of shampoo instead of a travel size, and a canister of lemonade powder (don’t laugh - this is a true story and the lemonade almost put me over my weight limit), you’ll want to consider how to pack your other heavy things. Can you put some of them in a carry-on? Bring lighter weight clothes? Pick some of it up when you arrive?
• Fifty pounds is a LOT. I traveled for five months and my suitcase was only forty-five pounds. You can do it. It’s very possible.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Uh-oh. Split zipper. Clothes everywhere. Not. Good.

Solution: True story. The first time I traveled out of state my zipper split early in the trip and I carried around a messy suitcase for two weeks. Bad news and so embarrassing. While it is a trick to deal with a split zipper, here are a few ways to work with a broken suitcase:

• Carry safety pins and pin shut the opening to your suitcase. Use many pins!
• Repack your suitcase so that it’s less full and it doesn’t push the zipper out too much.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: You need to pack a jar of vinegar/live marmoset/dozen bottles of pills/bee hive and now your bag is sloshy/squealing/rattling/buzzing. You’re starting to get worried that you’re going to get kicked out of the airplane. Forcibly. While in the air. Unkindly.

Solution: Hey, we don’t judge here. If you need to pack something totally bizarre, that’s okay. We understand that. I’ve possibly packed weirder. Try these things to pack your strange luggage:

• If it makes noise, package it in socks, or if it is too large, a piece of clothing. This will lessen suspicion in your odd luggage.
• If it’s drippy or breakable, wrap it in a plastic bag, and try to lay it in an additional layer that you don’t mind getting a little messy (a towel, pillowcase, or inner pocket work well.)
• If it’s alive... um... Sorry. I really have no help for you there. If it’s alive, make sure I’m not sitting next to you on this plane!

And there you have it, adventurers! Butterfly’s foolproof plan to excellent packing. Keep practicing, and someday, you too may be able to pack like a boss! What are your best packing tips, tricks or terrors? Share them in the comments, because I’m always up to learn more about packing. In the meantime, it’s time to get packing because I

Gotta Mosey!

Pinterest Travel Fashion Tips

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous." ~ Coco Chanel

Generally speaking, when one starts a travel blog, it is good if one, say, travels.  It kind of brings the whole experience of travel to life for blog followers, if the author shares their actual experiences.  Kind of neat how that works.

I travel quite a bit.  And by "quite a bit", I mean; sometimes.  But, in starting this blog, I committed to traveling much more.

But I live in Colorado.

Where it snows.

A lot.

And this year has been punishing.  Usually, where I live, we get snow, but it doesn't impact us much.  Living in the Colorado sunshine 300 days a year means that the snow melts before it can hinder you.  But, this year! Oh boy!  We are still short on snowfall....BUT...every time we get snow this year, it is in the form of a blizzard!  This has put quite a damper on my travel...and my travel blog.

So what is an adventurer to do when she is snowed in?  Glad you asked...

I spend a lot of time of Pinterest.

If you are like me, Pinterest just seemed like a lot of random stuff all in one place.  I didn't really get what to do with it.  It just seemed like something to do while I was stuck in a waiting room somewhere.  But, recently, Butterfly taught me more of the ins and outs of the board pinning site.  Seems I had been doing it wrong all along.  I had tried to use Pinterest practically.  If I saw something I would never use or ever do, I automatically ruled out pinning it.  I only pinned craft ideas for my co-op, recipes I would lose if I wrote them down and shoved them in my kitchen drawer filed them in a hard to reach place, ideas for entertaining and landscape ideas.  (Okay...landscape and yard decorating isn't practical given how I HATE gardening, but I was trying to inspire myself).

Since Butterfly freed me from the bondage of factual common sense, I have a new lease on travel life while I am snowed in!

Since I have thrown in the practicality towel on Pinterest, I decided to extend that mindset to my travel plans as well.  I know the most comfortable clothes to travel in are sweats and tennies, but I have decided that I want something more.  Forget the casual slop of current day travelers!  I intend to travel in style from now on.

Ah, the good ol' days...when flight attendants were stewardesses, airlines still gave you snacks for free and anyone could move about the cabin as they pleased!  But seriously, look at those suits...and I am talking about the women!

You may be thinking that this outfit is really only rational for travel with Dr. Watson on a foggy London escapade.  Agreed.  But, hey, this is Pinterest where anything goes!  I am particularly fond of the green cape and blue gloves, which I TOTALLY do NOT need on a trip to California, which, of course, in a Pinterest world, makes them perfect beach wear for my upcoming excursion!

I am not sure I can really call this outfit retro, as it is a steam punk outfit, which I think is futuristic, if our future never evolved technologically.  So, technically speaking, I think it counts as retro.  Don't quote me.  Anyway, the outfit is superb, and I want to wear it  the next time I go somewhere.  And also speak with a British accent when I do!

Admittedly, there will be some days where I just won't feel like wearing layers of capes and corsets, so I may want to wear something a little more roomy.  Still, I like the retro perspective on travel, so I am thinking this outfit may be my best bet for lazy travel wear days:

The nice thing about this outfit is, I can use the optional cape and backpack if the weather or accommodations turn ugly.

I like all of the above outfits because they have such a sense of flare and flamboyance to them.  But, sometimes, you just want to fit in.  So, this is what I will be wearing when I go to Asia (or San Francisco's Japantown for sushi):

This way, I won't stand out and attract too much attention as an "Ugly American", who is insensitive to the culture I am visiting.

I can't wait to board planes, trains and automobiles in these smart traveling fashions!  They bring a whole new element to vacationing for me!  I am a firm believer the the clothes not only make the person, but the trip, too!  But what about when I reach my destination?

Really, it depends on where one is traveling.  In my case, my soonest upcoming trip is to California.  There are the usual clothing options for beach and warm weather:  shorts, flip-flops, Vans.  But, I found a couple of  inspirational, can't-live-without-while-I'm-in-California items that I am sure you will appreciate, too!

Are these happenin' or what?  Oh yeah, with these babies, I can go right from the plane to swimming in the big, blue Pacific!  No waiting!  No changing!  Especially if I pair them with one of these hot bathing suits, which happen to also be completely appropriate for air travel...and church, for that matter!

Oh wait!  I just remembered, I HATE swimming in the ocean!  There are more sharks there than in the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which definitely puts ocean swimming on the banned list for me!  But, I do like the beach...and beach fashion.  So maybe something like these Venice Beach, CA necessities are better for me:

What do you think?  Even though I won't go in the ocean to surf, I can use the board to balance on the super cool tennis shoe skates!  Oh yeah, just call me Malibu Barbie Jill!

And these are just some of the gems I found on Pinterest for my travel planning! You should follow me. I can't wait to share more in the coming days!  Until then, I

Gotta Mosey!

Roundashout

"The only way round, is through." ~ Robert Frost

"Unless you're in Michigan." ~ Jill Yuen

Well!  Wouldn't THIS tutorial have been handy before my trip to Hamlet, North Carolina, where I nearly lost my life on a Roundabout for FOUR days straight?!  If you missed that little joy ride, you can read about it here.  The short version of the story is that Roundabouts are...I am just going to say it...they are stupid!  

Anything that requires a three minute video lesson, and demands you  travel to your destination by going in the opposite direction of said destination, is complete nonsense.  Not to mention, nearly impossible to exit without hurting someone. Or losing your mind.  Or both!   

I find it necessary to mention here that the above video is the short version.  The actual full length video is over 9 minutes long!  All that to turn left....after first being forced to go right.  It takes less than 30 seconds to just turn left, and no tutorial is necessary.

After I found this informative film clip presented by the Michigan DOT, I looked up additional tips for attempting to drive in Roundabouts on their website.  Here are some of the nuggets they shared:

1.  Slow down as you approach the Roundabout.  I am just saying...if it were a normal intersection, we could actually stop before entering.  But slowing down as you approach a Roundabout means you won't be able to get on the traffic circle, because everyone else who is already on it, is stuck. The drivers are stuck because the outside lane people can't figure out where to exit and the inside lane people can't get to the outside lane because it is packed with people trying to find their exit.  So, the outside traffic slows down as they try to discern which exit they want, and because they are dizzy from driving in circles, they can't figure it out.  Meanwhile, the inside lane drives faster because they are trying to find an open space in the outside lane.  That is why the outside lane is dizzy...because before they made it to the outside lane, they were speeding around the inside of the circle.  Those entering the Roundabout have a choice to either stop and wait until the inevitable pile up happens and they can squeeze past the carnage, OR, floor it and say a prayer.  Slowing down to enter is not an option.

2. Use the sign guides and lane designation markers to choose the appropriate lane for the intended destination.   Again, just pointing out the obvious, I am sure, but, if this was a normal intersection, we would only need a stop sign.  And it would be right in front of us.  And obvious.  Here are what Roundabout signs tell you:

Mind you, this picture puzzle is not right in front of you, but on the side of the circle, as you are turning away from it.  But, even if it was right in front of the driver, they would still need a manual to decipher the meaning of the sign.  (Which is another reason the outside lane slows down so much...it's hard to turn the wheel and scratch your head at the same time)  So, as the driver continues around in the circle, they continue to look back to try to figure out how in the world they get off that crazy thing!  (Cue George Jetson music...."Jane!  Get me off this crazy thing!")

3.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you approach the crosswalk.  Yield to those intending to cross.  PEDESTRIANS AND BICYCLISTS?!  I just want to make a simple left hand turn...not run an obstacle course!

4.  Slow down as you approach the Yield sign and the dashed Yield line.  Look to the left and see if other vehicles are traveling in the Roundabout.  Of course they are!  We already established...THEY CAN'T GET OFF!

5.  Once there is an adequate gap in traffic, enter the Roundabout.  Do not stop or change lanes once you have entered the Roundabout.  Ummmm....what is that second lane for then, if you aren't supposed to change lanes? I think that lane is the Lane of Lost Hope.  It is where people go when they have been driving on the Roundabout so long they have lost any hope of ever exiting.  They enter the second lane with the prospect of finally running out of gas so that they can at least keep from throwing up.

6.  As you approach your intended destination, signal your intent to exit.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you exit.  Whatever.  I am getting off that Roundabout any way I can...each man to himself!

And just to help you fully understand the driving instructions, the Michigan DOT includes this simple (?!), helpful (??!!) diagram:

OR...how about this instead?  We could all stop and take simple turns and be done with it!

One last thing to point out from the MI DOT informational page is that one of their stated purposes for using Roundabouts is for aesthetic reasons.  It's true.  Their page says, "Roundabouts create an area for communities to provide green space and landscape architecture.  There are no large poles, overhead wires or signals cluttering the visual environment."  That's true, but the twisted wreckage of all the cars that lay by the wayside make it hard to enjoy the visual environment.  And also, the lunatic ravings being screamed out car windows as drivers try to exit makes me think their philosophy is flawed.

I will travel back East this summer.  In the East, they LOVE Roundabouts.  I am starting a letter writing campaign to Apple asking them to make an app for my iPhone before then that can help me avoid traffic circles.  I think they should call it Roundashout and it should scream bloody murder anytime you come within a half mile of a traffic circle.  Let me know what you would call it.

Gotta Mosey!

The Streets of San Francisco

"Racing is life.  Anything before or after is just waiting." ~ Steve McQueen

If you have been reading my blog recently, you know I am gearing up for a trip out West to the Golden State of California.  I have prepared for packing fiascoes, airport issues and flying hassles.  I thought I was done planning the bulk of my trip when I realized one thing - Butterfly and I want to go to San Francisco's Chinatown and we don't have a car.

Now, I am researching one-day car rentals to get into the City for some good food, interesting shopping and art gazing.  Turns out, renting a car for use in San Francisco isn't as straightforward as renting a car in say, Kansas.  The hills in San Francisco require that you consider your rental carefully, while also brushing up on special circumstance driving tips.

Here is what I have learned so far:

Because of the hills, drivers in San Francisco need to remember the basics of parking.  Most visitors to the City don't live on hills like the ones found in San Francisco, so it is important to become reacquainted with how to park on them.  When parking on a down hill, turn your wheels toward the street.   When parking uphill, turn them the opposite way.  Or is it the other way around?  I can never remember and I just read the parking tips five minutes ago!  I am going to avoid the decision all together and park at this lot where my car will be safe from downhill rolls and other cars.

Hills also propose a problem for people when they are driving....unless you are Steve McQueen.  I am thinking when I go to San Francisco, I am going to rent a Mustang 2008 Bullitt Edition.  Because surely, if Ford has gone through all the trouble of re-releasing the Mustang Fastback to glorify and memorialize the 1968 car, they want us to drive it like the original, too.  At least, that is what I am counting on!  Me and Butterfly on the Streets of San Francisco.  Just like Steve! Oh yeah.....

Travel BUMMER alert!  You cannot rent a 2008 OR even a 1968 Mustang Fastback to drive in San Francisco.  But, wait til you see what you CAN drive in San Francisco!  I am thinking this is our best option for touring the city.  Parking will be no issue, no engine to worry about stalling...AND...we already own one Big Wheel, that Butterfly can use.  Now, if I can just get my hands on a Scootcase, I will have something to ride, too!

I need to find an American distributor of the Scootcase so I can go test drive one for handling on curves and hills!  If you have a lead, let me know.  Right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Wild Game Hunting with Jilly

"I'm an outdoors girl.  I like to go fishing, riding four wheelers and hunting." ~ Miranda Lambert

"Me, too...but I USE my four wheeler to hunt!" ~ Me

When you travel and expand your cultural horizons, you learn a lot of lessons.  I am not an exception to this rule, however, on a road trip last summer I learned lessons that I did not expect.

I am a super market, Costco kind of food provider, so it is interesting to me to know people who hunt.  I actually envy them.  The thought of someone in my family actually providing food for us without a trip to the grocery store is empowering.  Alas, being raised in a somewhat metropolitan suburb, hunting is something that alluded my husband and I growing up.  We tend to live vicariously through all the teenage young men we know and their dads.

BUT...on my trip last summer, I learned that I am a pretty good hunter.  After all, it takes real talent to kill animals without even trying!

I have never hit anything with my car.  Ever.  Well...okay...some bugs, but they don't count.  I mean that no human or animal have ever touched the front of my car, while it careened toward them at high speeds.

Until West Virginia....

Before I go on, I need to say that I was doing pretty well, because judging by all the roadkill on the sides of the roads in Missouri and West Virginia, every other car was hitting something!  I had not hit anything!  Not even close.  Not even a raccoon, which, according to the population of their corpses on the roadside are either the dumbest or slowest animals in the country.  (maybe both!)  So, I should have suspected that sudden death was lurking just beyond the next highway turn.  I was due.

West Virginia is the most beautiful state that I have been to outside of Hawaii.  So, there I was...driving along, enjoying the gorgeous view of the green, green mountains and untouched nature surrounding me, when it happened.  My friend made a slight move in her super sleek new car ahead of me. I thought she was just testing her new precision steering.  But, upon closer examination, there seemed to be something lolling in the roadway.  I might add at this time, that, while West Virginia is extremely lovely, their highway laws are ridiculous.  At any given time I have been on their highways, I have shared the road with approximately, 4 other cars, and still they have a 55mph speed limit!!  EXCEPT on the stretch of road we happened to be traveling at the time this story took place.  At that time, we were traveling a stretch of 70mph highway.  But, I digress...

So back to the story: something was in the middle of the highway lane and as I came closer, I could see it was some type of woodland creature.    A sort of sasquatch, giant squirrel-rodent-thing.  As I approached it, I tried to slow down, but my other friend was behind me.  And OF COURSE at this time, the normally deserted highway had cars surrounding me on all sides, so swerving was not an option!!  As I got closer to the fuzzy obstacle, it stopped and met my eyes with great fear...and he FROZE in one place.  THANK GOODNESS, because this allowed me to aim my car right over him so I would miss him completely.  This would have been the perfect measure to save the rodent's life, but at the last minute, he darted....and I hit him.  In my rear view mirror, I saw him tumble in front of my friend's car, as she narrowly missed him, and off the road.  I spent the rest of the drive mortified, even though the teenage boy in my car espoused my great aim!  

I spent the following week at Regent University where I did not need to drive my car, and therefore, spared any other wandering forest animals.  But...on the way home....I was unintentionally on the hunt again.

I had made it within 3.5 hours of home without mangling any other mammals.  That is when I switched to bird hunting which takes real skill when you are in a car.  I wasn't wasting my time with big birds like ducks, geese, pheasants, emu's....I was after more of a challenge...SPARROWS!  

I know we have all played Driving for Birds before but usually at the last moment, the bird excels upward and avoids impact with the car.  Birds tend to save real impact for more demanding objects, like sliding glass doors.  But not that day.  That day, as I drove through a swarm of sparrows, one was a little too slow.  Ugh.  It was quite tragic.

Because I had become such an excellent marksman on this cross-country jaunt, I actually employed quite  complex hunting proficiency.  I didn't just plow over the bird, I exercised real competence.  I first hit the poor, winged creature with the lower part of my windshield and bounced it to the hood of my car, where its remnants can still be viewed. Then I trounced it with my wheels, where I left the bird flailing in the middle of the road for the next car to barrel over.  

While I admit my hunting prowess seemed to have been taken to a higher level on this trip...before this, my hunting only included trying to find organic apples in a regular grocery store...hunting by car is not a pastime I would like to continue.  I found myself sympathizing with the animals, and also feeling guilty and wasteful that I did not eat what I hunted.   And also, cleaning my car after using it to hunt is really gross.

So, from now on, I intend to use a gun to hunt animals.  

I just need someone to hold the wheel while I aim out the window!

**This blog post brought to you by Dodge.

Gotta Mosey!

Airport Antics

"Travel is only glamorous in retrospect." ~ Paul Theroux

I am a couple of days short of four weeks until Butterfly and I leave for California.  As I prepare to fly back to my home state, I have had to think a lot about packing.  Usually, we drive and I have lots of room for multiple suitcases and ice chests for two days' worth of snacks.  Now that Butterfly and I are traveling by plane, I am having to plan much more strategically.  This planning is beginning to spill over into the other areas of my trip.

Part of the time we are in California, we will be working.  The rest of the time is leisure time with friends and family to enjoy Butterfly's new life as a college grad.  So, I want to make sure we make the most of our time.  I don't want to get sick.  I don't want to miss my flight.  I don't want any travel disasters to overtake us.  Therefore, I have been researching all kinds of things to avoid when I travel so that my trip remains productive, orderly and enjoyable.

According to BootsNAll, the #1 travel pitfall  to avoid is an area prone to natural disasters.  Ummmm...did I mention we are going to CALIFORNIA?

San Francisco Bay Bridge following the Loma Prieta Earthquake 1989

The Great Quake of 1908

Bet your state doesn't even HAVE an Earthquake Authority!

This is what my whole child looked like.  DUCK and COVER!

California has approximately 37,000 earthquakes a year!  Roughly 10,000 of them occur in Southern California, where they are well deserved.  But the rest happen in the other parts of the state.  We will be in Northern California where some of those other TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND quakes shake it!  Fat chance on avoiding natural disasters!

The next pitfall to avoid says, Readers Digest, is being seated next to a drunk passenger on your flight.  During a recent international flight, a man drank a whole bottle of duty-free alcohol and became unruly and out of control.  Ya think?  The flight attendants took care of the situation with a roll of duct tape. Yes, they strapped him to his seat with duct tape to the point that he was unable to break free! This must be why Magellan's  travel goods site sells travel size duct tape - just in case the stewardesses need help. Think my neighbors will mind if I practice on their cat?

Another travel nightmare to try to circumvent is losing your luggage.  I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my bags will be lost.  I am coming from a state dumb enough to legalize recreational marijuana use to a state that desperately WANTS legalized recreational pot.  You know some of those guys are gonna take off with my bag in hopes for a little Rocky Mountain High.  Won't they be sorry when they find out I am not that kind of girl!  Sorry enough to ditch my luggage, I bet!  I am thinking that this suitcase might make those airport guys stay away from my bag.  I like it in green.  What do you think?

Of course my biggest travel woe to be concerned with is the one that I have spent countless childhood hours being asked to solve already:  "A 555 mile, 5 hour plane trip was flown at two speeds.  For the first part of the trip, the plane flew at 105 mph.  Then a tailwind picked up and the plane flew the rest of the way at 115 mph.  For how long did the plane fly at each speed?"   This travel anxiety provided courtesy of  Purple Math.  Fortunately, all those years of word problems in school helped me with this answer.

Solution:  Who cares?  As long as I am ON the plane!

See you on the ground. Right now, I

Gotta Mosey

Kentucky Yucky

 "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 If you are considering some Road Trip Fun anytime soon, I think it is only fair to warn you that road tripping is not for the faint of heart.  You need to be flexible, polite...and...well....quite brave!  If you read my posts from the past couple of days, you have learned that eating on the road requires a bit of courage sometimes.  But, dining out isn't the only act that elicits bravery when you are on a road trip.  If you are traveling overnight, you also need to consider accommodations.  Hotels and motels can be far scarier than the eating establishments when you are traveling.  And if you are in Kentucky, eating AND sleeping is challenging!


Last summer, after we left the Awful Waffle, we made our way to Williamsburg, VA.  After a few GLORIOUS days there, we left Williamsburg and headed to Norfolk where Kahuna was catching a flight home. And leaving us to fend for ourselves. Before we dropped him at the airport, we stopped at a hotel to book a room and were surprised to find that the hotel had NONE.  This had never happened to us before.  When we asked if the hotel could recommend another place, they said anywhere NOT in Virginia Beach or Norfolk, as the Navy was deploying and everyone and their brother had rented every single room in every single hotel for miles around.  We sat in our car for the next half hour calling around and trying to find a hotel.  We finally got one.  Clear back in Newport News, near Williamsburg.  We went all the way up there, had dinner, and then I took Kahuna all the way back to Norfolk before driving all the way back to the hotel.

Travel Rule #1: Be flexible....and make sure you book in advance.  

Before I took Kahuna to the airport, we all went to a restaurant for dinner.  The hotel manager suggested Taco Bell.  When we asked if there was anything else, he told us if we were looking for "fine dining" we should try Luigi's.  We weren't looking for a fine dining experience, since that is virtually impossible to enjoy with 5 and 7 year old boys who have been cooped up in a car all day and really just want to go swimming in the hotel pool (because the one in Williamsburg was being repaired)...but our only other option was "Chinese Food".  That was the actual name of the restaurant....Chinese Food.   We were almost willing to ignore the complete lack of creativity in the name of the restaurant, but the description made us think twice.  Philippino (Filippino), Chinese and Thai.  Since my husband and children are Chinese, and since I am an educated person, one thing I know is, not all Asians are the same.  Stick with one food and do it well...don't try to appeal to the masses.  So, given the choices, we opted for Luigi's Fine Dining.

The first thing I noticed when I walked into Luigi's is that one of the owners of the establishment looked a lot like my Great Aunt.  That is a good thing.  My Great Aunt Mary was an amazing cook!  The second detail that caught my attention was the overwhelming aroma of mothballs.  Ugh.  Everything about the restaurant smelled like it had been sitting in an attic somewhere for decades, but what are you going to do when you skipped lunch and everyone is starving?  Our waitress, Helen (not her real name), greeted us and was quite knowledgeable about what we would and would not like.  Such as her determination that we would NOT enjoy the Greek Salad, because it was "boring" and that instead we would want an Antipasto Salad.  Helen, our 5' 10" blond waitress then proceeded to educate me, the Sicilian, as to what Antipasto was!  I mentioned that since we were having a lot of the same meat on our pizza as was in the Antipasto, we probably were good with the Greek salad.  She insisted this was a waste of her time to make and of our taste buds.  We got the Antipasto.  Once Helen settled what kind of salad we would be having, we asked her what the "Sicilian Special" pizza was.  She answered with a burly, "You don't want that."  Really?  How did she know that?  She then explained that it takes 45 minutes to make the Sicilian Special because, "they have to make the dough".  Hmmmmm....what were they using for the regular pizza we were ordering?  I decided not to ask, as Helen had already made up her mind what was best for our family and how much would be required.  Once we polished off our salad and pizza, Helen continued to remark on "how much" we ate!  She told tales to us of every patron who came in and had to take boxes of food home because they couldn't finish all the food provided.  Now, I ask you, WHY was she surprised that we ate it all?  SHE is the one who told us how much to get to feed our family.  There was no choice involved.  She wrote it on the order pad and TOLD us what we were getting!  She went on and on about our ability to do what no one else could and I began to weigh the pro's and con's of Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Nutri-System.  Surely she was saying I needed to be doing one of them!!  She remarked about "all the kids" I had, and was surprised to hear we had one more.  She asked about her, and as I started to tell her that our other daughter was our oldest she just walked off.  Clearly, there was no love connection between our family and Helen, which is why I was totally caught off guard when she brought us our check with a pouty lip about how sad she was that we were not coming back.  Pretty sure she was just trying to boost her tip.

Travel Rule #2:  Be polite to the locals.  And never bet against a Sicilian in a food war!

The next day, our ride was completely uneventful and easy.  No problems or challenges.  Even with Kahuna gone.

And then we got to the hotel.

Our hotel tonight was wonderful!  Two queen beds that were actually QUEEN size beds and not doubles.  A lovely vanilla smell.  Comfy quarters and Little House on the Prairie playing on a continuous loop.

So....imagine my surprise, when late at night after all my kids have bathed and gotten into bed, I pulled out the nightstand to search for an outlet for my phone charger and found a MOUSE TRAP instead!!!!  WHAT?!  It was a glue trap, not the conventional snap-o-the-neck kind.  I could see little droppings!  YIKES!  I refused to look inside the torture device.  Of course I called down to the desk to see if there was any way I could move to a room that did not have a mouse issue.  OF COURSE, every room was booked!  REALLY???  Is the Navy deploying from Kentucky, too????  I hung up the phone and the kids and I proceeded to flip every mattress and checked every single square inch of the room looking for more signs of rodents.  At this point, I find it necessary to tell you that we had been listening to Redwall with the boys on this drive and Spidey thought it was quite sad that there might be a chivalrous mouse stuck inside a rodent tent trap.  The girls and I worried more about Cluny the Scourge (a rat) being on the prowl.  The kind desk gal did tell me that they would discount my room....DISCOUNT?  It should have been FREE!  I was stuck in a strange, small town in Kentucky for goodness sakes!  Too late to go anywhere else!!  Discount???

I called back down to the desk and asked them to send someone up to at least take the trap out of the room.  The girl at the desk kindly offered to come get it herself since she was "not afraid of it".  I am not afraid of it either...I just don't think I, a paying guest should have to deal with it!  Gross.  Once she came upstairs, she removed the trap and looked inside and pleasantly said, "See?  Nothing inside."  Ummmm....I think that was supposed to comfort me.  But it didn't.  Doesn't an empty trap mean that there is still a mouse on the loose????  I had nowhere to go and it was too late to pack the car and head for who knows where.  I mean...it was Kentucky!  The place that as we crossed the state line, inspired my seven year old to say, "Welcome to Hellburg!" because "that's what it looks like!"  It isn't like there were a lot of choices close by!  Ugh!

So....there I sat all night.  Unable to sleep.  Listening for the pitter patter of tiny feet.  Which brings us to....

Travel Rule #3:  Challenges on the road grow your character and your courage and make GREAT blog posts!

I can't wait to see what my trip to California brings.  Time to get a move on because I

Gotta Mosey

The Awful Waffle

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "What is the first thing you ask yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.  "What do you say Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what is going to happen exciting today." said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.  "It's the same thing," he said.

~ AA Milne

Yesterday's post about Cracker Barrel should be enough for you to realize that our family of Trendy Travelers fears not when it comes to eating on the road.  But that was Cracker Barrel.  Other than risking life and limb sitting under combines, plows and other assorted farm equipment, there isn't too much to worry about when you eat there.  So, for those of you who desire more adventurous eating adventures on the road, I submit today's Road Trip Food for Thought.


Last summer, the kids and I drove out to Regent University in Virginia Beach, VA for conference.  All the kids except Butterfly, who, after several months last year traveled the US and lived out of a suitcase (a SMALL suitcase), has vowed never to travel with more than 6 people for more than 500 miles again in her life.  Ever. No matter how big the vehicle is.   She flew back east before us to help prepare for the conference and  then met us at Regent.

It was a wonderful conference and I look forward to attending again this summer...but I had an experience unlike any other and that commentary has to come before I write about anything else.  While the conference itself was exciting, informational and fun, breakfast on the first morning after the conference was something I cannot keep to myself.

That morning, for the first time in my life...I experienced the phenomenon known as 

The Waffle House.

Perhaps you have seen these establishments before.  They are small restaurants that appear more frequently at every single freeway exit, on both sides of the freeway, the further east you go.  For example, in Colorado we have a Waffle House about every 4th or 5th freeway exit on one side of the freeway.  By the time you reach Tennessee, there are 3 to 4 Waffle Houses on EACH SIDE of the freeway at every single exit...usually right next to the Cracker Barrel.  

While Waffle Houses are everywhere, I had never been to one. I had never even MET anyone who had eaten at one.  Then I went to Tennessee in the summer of 2011.  I stayed with my friend, and her charming father spent a bit of time with us as well while we visited.  He always came over in the morning, but he never ate breakfast with us.  He had already eaten at the local Waffle House.  In fact, he ate at the Waffle House most every morning he proudly told us.  

So as I remembered my friend's father eating at a Waffle House every morning, I bravely thought, "How can you mess up breakfast?" and we made our way to the yellow hut.

If you have never eaten at the Waffle House, I need to tell you that you are missing a unique breakfast experience that has nothing to do with food!  

Upon our arrival, Sandra (names have been changed to protect the ignorant) greeted our party of 7.  She seemed to have difficulty counting past one handful of fingers because I THINK she then asked us how many were in our party but it was hard to tell through the whistling sound of air passing through the blank spaces in her mouth where her teeth should have been.  In any case, The Waffle House was bustling with all kinds of interesting patronage and Sandra eventually did enough math to know she had to seat our party at two different tables.  

As we sat,  Kevin asked CynThia if she would like the opportunity to serve us.  She naturally answered, "Not really," because our tables were separated by one table.  At this point, I need to explain the layout of our Waffle House.  There were three booths all in a row and CynThia stands behind the counter that is behind all three booths to take the order.  Therefore, instead of taking ONE step to take an order, she would actually have to take two and that seemed to be more than poor CynThia could handle this morning.  So, Kevin was the chosen wait staff for our two booths.

Kahuna, Lizard Boy, Spidey and I waited a long time for Kevin to take our order.  This was awkward, because, the set-up of the Waffle House means Kevin was standing right in front of us on the other side of our booth.  He seemed to be avoiding eye contact.  Finally, he set some coffee cups down and said he would be right with us.  Then he added, "I am trying to find some clean silverware somewhere around here."  HUH?  This begged a whole new answer to my original, simple question, "How can you mess up breakfast?"

As we awaited "clean" silverware (and I use that term, oh SO loosely), I looked around at the rest of the greasy spoon.  I lost hope of ever seeing clean silverware. Sandra kept leaving her trash can at everyone's table and forgetting where it was.  I found this amusing since the Waffle House only has about 6 tables in it.  Then she left the trash can near our table.That wasn't so amusing.  The waffle irons sported caked on, baked on "dark waffle" batter.  And Jocelyn assured me I did NOT want to see their back room which she kept getting a good view of when the workers on break would throw out another carton of hash browns to the waiters.

I never did find out what a dark waffle was.  Honestly, I was afraid to ask.  Waffle House has its own lingo and I couldn't tell what ANYONE was eating.  CynThia was just standing behind the counter barking out demands for dark waffles, hash browns that were scattered, smothered, covered and diced, while Kevin pleaded for hash browns "all in a ring".  While my brain was busy trying to decipher how a dive like this made enough money to bribe the health inspector to overlook the lack of clean silverware and anything else clean, my boys were thrilling to the aroma of their waffles and bacon!  Lizard Boy said the waffles smelled and tasted like marshmallows, and he meant that in a good way.  I put aside my reservations and tried to see things through my niece's eyes.  She thinks it would be "fun" to work there.

In the end, we were well fed.  The boys were never happier over eating breakfast out.  And I remembered something I wish I would have thought of when we were making our morning meal plans.  And that is:

My friend's dad, who eats at one of the little yellow diners most every morning, affectionately referred to the Waffle House as the Awful Waffle.  He got a biscuit and gravy for a buck (maybe he is the health inspector and that is the bribe.  I don't know).  And my friend?....She and her husband make moonshine in their bathtub.  I probably should have taken all those things into account and found an IHOP, where the classy people go for breakfast.

I will try that next time because right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Long Train Runnin'

"My heart is warm with the friends I make,

And better friends, I'll not be knowing,

Yet, there isn't a train I wouldn't take,

No matter where it's going."

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay, The Selected Poetry

If you read my early posts, one thing is probably clear to you - I hate flying.  That is a gross understatement.  I mean I REALLY hate to fly. I have never enjoyed it, so a couple of years ago, I decided to do something “fun” instead as I traveled back east.  I decided taking the train would be a better travel choice.  I love to travel by train.  I have done it several times, including a long trip through Canada.  And it has been fun.

Well, if you consider Hell fun, that is.

Oh yes, did you know that is an actual Amtrak stop?  It is!  I have been there.  But perhaps I better back up a bit.

My friend Blondie, her daughter, JJ, my daughter, Jef and I began our adventure back in Denver.  Amtrak spares no expense at keeping things rip-roaring "fun"  from the very beginning.

I had been so excited to travel from the historic Union Station in Denver and became quite disappointed to find out that it was being overhauled and we had to leave from a temporary station instead.  

Which also happens to be invisible.

Yeah, I know….what?  But after following directions from MapQuest (this was before we owned Darth TomTom), and Blondie's iPhone’s GPS app AND  Kahuna's  surprisingly good sense of direction, we drove all around Coors Field without being able to find the train station.  After wandering aimlessly, we finally happened upon the station.  The station with parking for Mini Coopers only.

After 15 minutes of trying to maneuver our Durango into VW Clown Parking Only, we were able to park and get our luggage out and check in just in time to be late!  And to find out that the GIGANTIC suitcases we packed for checked baggage, could not be checked! 

The fun continued as we had to run, wheeling our GIGANTO-BAGS and lugging ALL of our carry on luggage (which consisted of at least 2 twenty-five pound bags of snacks) ACROSS THE STREET (because what sense does it make to build a temporary train station NEAR the train itself?), up the stairs to the platform and then onto the second story of the train.  (I am just saying….workout for the week was done at that point)

As we stowed our luggage and found our seats, we settled in and SAT on the track for an hour.  Sure am glad we rushed to get to that train!

Finally we got moving, made some PB&J sandwiches, washed up and went to sleep.  Thankfully, we slept through Kansas and awoke to a beautiful sunrise in Nebraska with sights set on getting to Chicago that afternoon where we would endure a FOUR hour lay-over before hopping our next train, the Capitol Limited, to Washington, DC.

Our first night of sleep was a little restless, but we were having fun.  REAL fun this time.  On the California Zephyr (the first train we were on), the snack bar was run by a phenomenal guy named, Frank!  He kept things light and funny.  He also used to do hair, and couldn’t keep his hands off Jef's “GREAT hair cut”.  Jef has HUGE personal space, so you can imagine how this was NOT a fun part of the trip for her!

We traveled on, enjoying Frank’s antics and the ride, but slowly, we became acutely aware of “the smell”.  Oh yes, it was not pleasant for any of us, but Blondie sprayed a whole bottle of Bath and Body Works Sanitizer Spray all over the train car to try to get rid of it.  She even threatened to throw up…but I am still not clear if it was because of the putrid bathroom smell, or the overdose of Brown Sugar Vanilla spray she was inundating us with!  

No matter, we would be in Chicago soon and onto a different train.

But WAIT!  There was more Amtrak fun to come…..

Unbeknownst to us, but apparently known to everyone else, including Amtrak employees, there had been a DERAILMENT involving an Amtrak train in Chicago’s Union Station that morning.  Not good.  Not for the train involved or any other trains trying to get in and out of Chicago that day.  The rail authorities were not letting any trains depart or arrive at Union Station.  Our Zephyr staff actually suggested we get off BEFORE Chicago (actually in IOWA) since we didn’t know when in the world they would actually let us into the station.

As it turned out, after all that panic, we got right into the station.  Union Station in Chicago is actually a stop in Hell.  Once you get off your train, you get boxed into a small space between two fire breathing engines and stand.  And Stand.  AND STAND!  Sweating, stinking, parching and STANDING!  Hot, sulfurous…I am telling you…dark and steamy….it was HELL! Finally, they let us out and into the Big Mess in the Great Hall of historic Chicago Union Station, where we got some FAB pictures. The Big Mess took a lot of sorting and we stood in line for a long time waiting for boarding instructions.  But, Amtrak must have a Disney mindset.  You know…make sure your visitors have something fun to watch/do so they won’t notice the wait.

Our in-station entertainment included, but was not limited to the following events:

*The Mad Dash – This event consisted of Amtrak employees telling you that you have to get out of the boarding area because you will not be boarding for a looooong time.  And then waiting for to hear through the grapevine that, indeed, you now DO need to be in the boarding area because you will be boarding at any moment.  The Mad Dash ensues.

*The Great Wait – This event follows the Mad Dash and is what you do for the next  two hours while you wait to board the train.

*The Strip-Tease – This entertainment seemed to be just for the stripper, as I didn’t see anyone else enjoying it, especially the sweet little Amish women who had a front row a seat.  The Stripper danced a jaunty jig, while unbuttoning his leopard-print shirt and then REMOVING his pants and slowly (way too slowly for me and the Amish gals) putting on a new pair.  He continued with his dancing for the next hour, much to the bonnet clad women’s horror. Absolutely, TRUE STORY.

*Pot Stumping – During the Great Wait and after the Strip Tease came the Pot Stumping.  This involved a very small, little, “different” (think Deliverance) man eyeing our girls up and down and expounding on the benefits of marijuana while showing us the lovely tattoo of the pot leaf on his arm.  He freaked us out a bit.

After all the lively entertainment, we finally boarded the train.  And this train was GREAT!  Lots of leg room…no invasive, offending odors, just a comfy, cozy ride. 

And good thing too.  It is good to be relaxed when Amtrak tells you that they have brake problems on your train and you will not make your connecting train but will be in Washington DC possibly overnight.

Fun. (still beats driving a roundabout any day!)

Well, I

Gotta Mosey!