THE FAMILY THAT STRAYS TOGETHER...STAYS TOGETHER!

Friday, March 22, 2013

Roundashout



"The only way round, is through." ~ Robert Frost
"Unless you're in Michigan." ~ Jill Yuen



Well!  Wouldn't THIS tutorial have been handy before my trip to Hamlet, North Carolina, where I nearly lost my life on a Roundabout for FOUR days straight?!  If you missed that little joy ride, you can read about it here.  The short version of the story is that Roundabouts are...I am just going to say it...they are stupid!  

Anything that requires a three minute video lesson, and demands you  travel to your destination by going in the opposite direction of said destination, is complete nonsense.  Not to mention, nearly impossible to exit without hurting someone. Or losing your mind.  Or both!   

I find it necessary to mention here that the above video is the short version.  The actual full length video is over 9 minutes long!  All that to turn left....after first being forced to go right.  It takes less than 30 seconds to just turn left, and no tutorial is necessary.

After I found this informative film clip presented by the Michigan DOT, I looked up additional tips for attempting to drive in Roundabouts on their website.  Here are some of the nuggets they shared:

1.  Slow down as you approach the Roundabout.  I am just saying...if it were a normal intersection, we could actually stop before entering.  But slowing down as you approach a Roundabout means you won't be able to get on the traffic circle, because everyone else who is already on it, is stuck. The drivers are stuck because the outside lane people can't figure out where to exit and the inside lane people can't get to the outside lane because it is packed with people trying to find their exit.  So, the outside traffic slows down as they try to discern which exit they want, and because they are dizzy from driving in circles, they can't figure it out.  Meanwhile, the inside lane drives faster because they are trying to find an open space in the outside lane.  That is why the outside lane is dizzy...because before they made it to the outside lane, they were speeding around the inside of the circle.  Those entering the Roundabout have a choice to either stop and wait until the inevitable pile up happens and they can squeeze past the carnage, OR, floor it and say a prayer.  Slowing down to enter is not an option.

2. Use the sign guides and lane designation markers to choose the appropriate lane for the intended destination.   Again, just pointing out the obvious, I am sure, but, if this was a normal intersection, we would only need a stop sign.  And it would be right in front of us.  And obvious.  Here are what Roundabout signs tell you:

Mind you, this picture puzzle is not right in front of you, but on the side of the circle, as you are turning away from it.  But, even if it was right in front of the driver, they would still need a manual to decipher the meaning of the sign.  (Which is another reason the outside lane slows down so much...it's hard to turn the wheel and scratch your head at the same time)  So, as the driver continues around in the circle, they continue to look back to try to figure out how in the world they get off that crazy thing!  (Cue George Jetson music...."Jane!  Get me off this crazy thing!")

3.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you approach the crosswalk.  Yield to those intending to cross.  PEDESTRIANS AND BICYCLISTS?!  I just want to make a simple left hand turn...not run an obstacle course!

4.  Slow down as you approach the Yield sign and the dashed Yield line.  Look to the left and see if other vehicles are traveling in the Roundabout.  Of course they are!  We already established...THEY CAN'T GET OFF!

5.  Once there is an adequate gap in traffic, enter the Roundabout.  Do not stop or change lanes once you have entered the Roundabout.  Ummmm....what is that second lane for then, if you aren't supposed to change lanes? I think that lane is the Lane of Lost Hope.  It is where people go when they have been driving on the Roundabout so long they have lost any hope of ever exiting.  They enter the second lane with the prospect of finally running out of gas so that they can at least keep from throwing up.

6.  As you approach your intended destination, signal your intent to exit.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you exit.  Whatever.  I am getting off that Roundabout any way I can...each man to himself!

And just to help you fully understand the driving instructions, the Michigan DOT includes this simple (?!), helpful (??!!) diagram:

OR...how about this instead?  We could all stop and take simple turns and be done with it!



One last thing to point out from the MI DOT informational page is that one of their stated purposes for using Roundabouts is for aesthetic reasons.  It's true.  Their page says, "Roundabouts create an area for communities to provide green space and landscape architecture.  There are no large poles, overhead wires or signals cluttering the visual environment."  That's true, but the twisted wreckage of all the cars that lay by the wayside make it hard to enjoy the visual environment.  And also, the lunatic ravings being screamed out car windows as drivers try to exit makes me think their philosophy is flawed.

I will travel back East this summer.  In the East, they LOVE Roundabouts.  I am starting a letter writing campaign to Apple asking them to make an app for my iPhone before then that can help me avoid traffic circles.  I think they should call it Roundashout and it should scream bloody murder anytime you come within a half mile of a traffic circle.  Let me know what you would call it.

Gotta Mosey!




1 comment:

  1. Those three roundabout signs are hilarious ... as if! They're fascinating, though; I had to study them. Its so funny that they're on the side of the road on a roundabout. You'd never get to look at them. I'd so badly want to stop, get out, and look. All the pictures are fun in this blog. I loved the four-way stop, lets take turns, ha!

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