Packing with Butterfly

Woot!  Today, Gotta Mosey welcomes its first Guest Blogger!!!  This is an exciting moment for the blog!  So with no further ado, enjoy learning to how to pack as instructed by my daughter, Butterfly!

“As long as I’m not living out of a suitcase, I’m happy.” - Jacquelyn Jablonski

My life is a big trip. Since 2009, I’ve been out of my homestate over twenty times, culminating in what is easily the biggest road trip of my life - my five-month stint as a touring intern with the Institute for Cultural Communicators! This trip was five months in an unpredictable van with three pieces of luggage - a duffel bag, a garment bag and a purse. If that doesn’t teach you how to be a great packer, nothing else will! Before my tour, I used to stress for days about how to bring all the stuff I was positive I would need (read: I like to prepare for the worst by bringing absolutely everything I would possibly need, which comes in handy when it isn’t being a giant pain as it comes to packing). Now, I’ve discovered the perfect system for how to be an excellent packer and I come to share my extensive (cough, or something, cough) experience and knowledge of packing with the adventurous travelers of Gotta Mosey!

Here are a few probable packing problems you may encounter.

Scenario: Your trip is taking you from the land of Sun and Spring to the desolate wilderness of winter. Umm, how is all your cold weather gear supposed to fit in that suitcase?

Solution: First of all, why in the world are you leaving your springtime paradise?! If you don’t like the warmth, you could always send it here! (One of the many reasons I am SO excited to be headed to California in a couple weeks! SUNSHINE. NO BLIZZARDS.) If you decide that you still want, for some unavoidable reason, to travel to the land of frostbite, here are a few packing tips.

• Wear your thickest items on the plane. Poofy sweaters, clunky boots, and your winter coat are all good items to NOT pack. If you layer right, you won’t  even have to wear it all for the whole flight - a coat or sweater can come off and be stowed under your seat.
• Roll clothes tightly (you can even use a strip of blue painters’ tape to keep things tightly rolled) and fit those into the bottom of the suitcase. The heavier things can weight them down and make it possible to get your suitcase shut all the way.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Your shoes are all made out of brick, you had to bring four gold bars and a small elephant in your suitcase. Fifty pounds? Not gonna touch that.

Solution: As unlikely as it is that you’ll be packing gold bars and elephants, suitcase weight is a trouble for all of us uber-prepared (read: frightfully overprepared) packers. So before you despair of needing a forklift for your suitcase, try these tips:

• Start with a smaller suitcase. You’ll be surprised how much you can fit in, and a compact space means less likelihood of running over your weight limit.
• Consider how much heavy material you’ll need to pack. If you need three pairs of shoes, a full bottle of shampoo instead of a travel size, and a canister of lemonade powder (don’t laugh - this is a true story and the lemonade almost put me over my weight limit), you’ll want to consider how to pack your other heavy things. Can you put some of them in a carry-on? Bring lighter weight clothes? Pick some of it up when you arrive?
• Fifty pounds is a LOT. I traveled for five months and my suitcase was only forty-five pounds. You can do it. It’s very possible.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Uh-oh. Split zipper. Clothes everywhere. Not. Good.

Solution: True story. The first time I traveled out of state my zipper split early in the trip and I carried around a messy suitcase for two weeks. Bad news and so embarrassing. While it is a trick to deal with a split zipper, here are a few ways to work with a broken suitcase:

• Carry safety pins and pin shut the opening to your suitcase. Use many pins!
• Repack your suitcase so that it’s less full and it doesn’t push the zipper out too much.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: You need to pack a jar of vinegar/live marmoset/dozen bottles of pills/bee hive and now your bag is sloshy/squealing/rattling/buzzing. You’re starting to get worried that you’re going to get kicked out of the airplane. Forcibly. While in the air. Unkindly.

Solution: Hey, we don’t judge here. If you need to pack something totally bizarre, that’s okay. We understand that. I’ve possibly packed weirder. Try these things to pack your strange luggage:

• If it makes noise, package it in socks, or if it is too large, a piece of clothing. This will lessen suspicion in your odd luggage.
• If it’s drippy or breakable, wrap it in a plastic bag, and try to lay it in an additional layer that you don’t mind getting a little messy (a towel, pillowcase, or inner pocket work well.)
• If it’s alive... um... Sorry. I really have no help for you there. If it’s alive, make sure I’m not sitting next to you on this plane!

And there you have it, adventurers! Butterfly’s foolproof plan to excellent packing. Keep practicing, and someday, you too may be able to pack like a boss! What are your best packing tips, tricks or terrors? Share them in the comments, because I’m always up to learn more about packing. In the meantime, it’s time to get packing because I

Gotta Mosey!

Roundashout

"The only way round, is through." ~ Robert Frost

"Unless you're in Michigan." ~ Jill Yuen

Well!  Wouldn't THIS tutorial have been handy before my trip to Hamlet, North Carolina, where I nearly lost my life on a Roundabout for FOUR days straight?!  If you missed that little joy ride, you can read about it here.  The short version of the story is that Roundabouts are...I am just going to say it...they are stupid!  

Anything that requires a three minute video lesson, and demands you  travel to your destination by going in the opposite direction of said destination, is complete nonsense.  Not to mention, nearly impossible to exit without hurting someone. Or losing your mind.  Or both!   

I find it necessary to mention here that the above video is the short version.  The actual full length video is over 9 minutes long!  All that to turn left....after first being forced to go right.  It takes less than 30 seconds to just turn left, and no tutorial is necessary.

After I found this informative film clip presented by the Michigan DOT, I looked up additional tips for attempting to drive in Roundabouts on their website.  Here are some of the nuggets they shared:

1.  Slow down as you approach the Roundabout.  I am just saying...if it were a normal intersection, we could actually stop before entering.  But slowing down as you approach a Roundabout means you won't be able to get on the traffic circle, because everyone else who is already on it, is stuck. The drivers are stuck because the outside lane people can't figure out where to exit and the inside lane people can't get to the outside lane because it is packed with people trying to find their exit.  So, the outside traffic slows down as they try to discern which exit they want, and because they are dizzy from driving in circles, they can't figure it out.  Meanwhile, the inside lane drives faster because they are trying to find an open space in the outside lane.  That is why the outside lane is dizzy...because before they made it to the outside lane, they were speeding around the inside of the circle.  Those entering the Roundabout have a choice to either stop and wait until the inevitable pile up happens and they can squeeze past the carnage, OR, floor it and say a prayer.  Slowing down to enter is not an option.

2. Use the sign guides and lane designation markers to choose the appropriate lane for the intended destination.   Again, just pointing out the obvious, I am sure, but, if this was a normal intersection, we would only need a stop sign.  And it would be right in front of us.  And obvious.  Here are what Roundabout signs tell you:

Mind you, this picture puzzle is not right in front of you, but on the side of the circle, as you are turning away from it.  But, even if it was right in front of the driver, they would still need a manual to decipher the meaning of the sign.  (Which is another reason the outside lane slows down so much...it's hard to turn the wheel and scratch your head at the same time)  So, as the driver continues around in the circle, they continue to look back to try to figure out how in the world they get off that crazy thing!  (Cue George Jetson music...."Jane!  Get me off this crazy thing!")

3.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you approach the crosswalk.  Yield to those intending to cross.  PEDESTRIANS AND BICYCLISTS?!  I just want to make a simple left hand turn...not run an obstacle course!

4.  Slow down as you approach the Yield sign and the dashed Yield line.  Look to the left and see if other vehicles are traveling in the Roundabout.  Of course they are!  We already established...THEY CAN'T GET OFF!

5.  Once there is an adequate gap in traffic, enter the Roundabout.  Do not stop or change lanes once you have entered the Roundabout.  Ummmm....what is that second lane for then, if you aren't supposed to change lanes? I think that lane is the Lane of Lost Hope.  It is where people go when they have been driving on the Roundabout so long they have lost any hope of ever exiting.  They enter the second lane with the prospect of finally running out of gas so that they can at least keep from throwing up.

6.  As you approach your intended destination, signal your intent to exit.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you exit.  Whatever.  I am getting off that Roundabout any way I can...each man to himself!

And just to help you fully understand the driving instructions, the Michigan DOT includes this simple (?!), helpful (??!!) diagram:

OR...how about this instead?  We could all stop and take simple turns and be done with it!

One last thing to point out from the MI DOT informational page is that one of their stated purposes for using Roundabouts is for aesthetic reasons.  It's true.  Their page says, "Roundabouts create an area for communities to provide green space and landscape architecture.  There are no large poles, overhead wires or signals cluttering the visual environment."  That's true, but the twisted wreckage of all the cars that lay by the wayside make it hard to enjoy the visual environment.  And also, the lunatic ravings being screamed out car windows as drivers try to exit makes me think their philosophy is flawed.

I will travel back East this summer.  In the East, they LOVE Roundabouts.  I am starting a letter writing campaign to Apple asking them to make an app for my iPhone before then that can help me avoid traffic circles.  I think they should call it Roundashout and it should scream bloody murder anytime you come within a half mile of a traffic circle.  Let me know what you would call it.

Gotta Mosey!

Wild Game Hunting with Jilly

"I'm an outdoors girl.  I like to go fishing, riding four wheelers and hunting." ~ Miranda Lambert

"Me, too...but I USE my four wheeler to hunt!" ~ Me

When you travel and expand your cultural horizons, you learn a lot of lessons.  I am not an exception to this rule, however, on a road trip last summer I learned lessons that I did not expect.

I am a super market, Costco kind of food provider, so it is interesting to me to know people who hunt.  I actually envy them.  The thought of someone in my family actually providing food for us without a trip to the grocery store is empowering.  Alas, being raised in a somewhat metropolitan suburb, hunting is something that alluded my husband and I growing up.  We tend to live vicariously through all the teenage young men we know and their dads.

BUT...on my trip last summer, I learned that I am a pretty good hunter.  After all, it takes real talent to kill animals without even trying!

I have never hit anything with my car.  Ever.  Well...okay...some bugs, but they don't count.  I mean that no human or animal have ever touched the front of my car, while it careened toward them at high speeds.

Until West Virginia....

Before I go on, I need to say that I was doing pretty well, because judging by all the roadkill on the sides of the roads in Missouri and West Virginia, every other car was hitting something!  I had not hit anything!  Not even close.  Not even a raccoon, which, according to the population of their corpses on the roadside are either the dumbest or slowest animals in the country.  (maybe both!)  So, I should have suspected that sudden death was lurking just beyond the next highway turn.  I was due.

West Virginia is the most beautiful state that I have been to outside of Hawaii.  So, there I was...driving along, enjoying the gorgeous view of the green, green mountains and untouched nature surrounding me, when it happened.  My friend made a slight move in her super sleek new car ahead of me. I thought she was just testing her new precision steering.  But, upon closer examination, there seemed to be something lolling in the roadway.  I might add at this time, that, while West Virginia is extremely lovely, their highway laws are ridiculous.  At any given time I have been on their highways, I have shared the road with approximately, 4 other cars, and still they have a 55mph speed limit!!  EXCEPT on the stretch of road we happened to be traveling at the time this story took place.  At that time, we were traveling a stretch of 70mph highway.  But, I digress...

So back to the story: something was in the middle of the highway lane and as I came closer, I could see it was some type of woodland creature.    A sort of sasquatch, giant squirrel-rodent-thing.  As I approached it, I tried to slow down, but my other friend was behind me.  And OF COURSE at this time, the normally deserted highway had cars surrounding me on all sides, so swerving was not an option!!  As I got closer to the fuzzy obstacle, it stopped and met my eyes with great fear...and he FROZE in one place.  THANK GOODNESS, because this allowed me to aim my car right over him so I would miss him completely.  This would have been the perfect measure to save the rodent's life, but at the last minute, he darted....and I hit him.  In my rear view mirror, I saw him tumble in front of my friend's car, as she narrowly missed him, and off the road.  I spent the rest of the drive mortified, even though the teenage boy in my car espoused my great aim!  

I spent the following week at Regent University where I did not need to drive my car, and therefore, spared any other wandering forest animals.  But...on the way home....I was unintentionally on the hunt again.

I had made it within 3.5 hours of home without mangling any other mammals.  That is when I switched to bird hunting which takes real skill when you are in a car.  I wasn't wasting my time with big birds like ducks, geese, pheasants, emu's....I was after more of a challenge...SPARROWS!  

I know we have all played Driving for Birds before but usually at the last moment, the bird excels upward and avoids impact with the car.  Birds tend to save real impact for more demanding objects, like sliding glass doors.  But not that day.  That day, as I drove through a swarm of sparrows, one was a little too slow.  Ugh.  It was quite tragic.

Because I had become such an excellent marksman on this cross-country jaunt, I actually employed quite  complex hunting proficiency.  I didn't just plow over the bird, I exercised real competence.  I first hit the poor, winged creature with the lower part of my windshield and bounced it to the hood of my car, where its remnants can still be viewed. Then I trounced it with my wheels, where I left the bird flailing in the middle of the road for the next car to barrel over.  

While I admit my hunting prowess seemed to have been taken to a higher level on this trip...before this, my hunting only included trying to find organic apples in a regular grocery store...hunting by car is not a pastime I would like to continue.  I found myself sympathizing with the animals, and also feeling guilty and wasteful that I did not eat what I hunted.   And also, cleaning my car after using it to hunt is really gross.

So, from now on, I intend to use a gun to hunt animals.  

I just need someone to hold the wheel while I aim out the window!

**This blog post brought to you by Dodge.

Gotta Mosey!

The Awful Waffle

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "What is the first thing you ask yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.  "What do you say Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what is going to happen exciting today." said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.  "It's the same thing," he said.

~ AA Milne

Yesterday's post about Cracker Barrel should be enough for you to realize that our family of Trendy Travelers fears not when it comes to eating on the road.  But that was Cracker Barrel.  Other than risking life and limb sitting under combines, plows and other assorted farm equipment, there isn't too much to worry about when you eat there.  So, for those of you who desire more adventurous eating adventures on the road, I submit today's Road Trip Food for Thought.


Last summer, the kids and I drove out to Regent University in Virginia Beach, VA for conference.  All the kids except Butterfly, who, after several months last year traveled the US and lived out of a suitcase (a SMALL suitcase), has vowed never to travel with more than 6 people for more than 500 miles again in her life.  Ever. No matter how big the vehicle is.   She flew back east before us to help prepare for the conference and  then met us at Regent.

It was a wonderful conference and I look forward to attending again this summer...but I had an experience unlike any other and that commentary has to come before I write about anything else.  While the conference itself was exciting, informational and fun, breakfast on the first morning after the conference was something I cannot keep to myself.

That morning, for the first time in my life...I experienced the phenomenon known as 

The Waffle House.

Perhaps you have seen these establishments before.  They are small restaurants that appear more frequently at every single freeway exit, on both sides of the freeway, the further east you go.  For example, in Colorado we have a Waffle House about every 4th or 5th freeway exit on one side of the freeway.  By the time you reach Tennessee, there are 3 to 4 Waffle Houses on EACH SIDE of the freeway at every single exit...usually right next to the Cracker Barrel.  

While Waffle Houses are everywhere, I had never been to one. I had never even MET anyone who had eaten at one.  Then I went to Tennessee in the summer of 2011.  I stayed with my friend, and her charming father spent a bit of time with us as well while we visited.  He always came over in the morning, but he never ate breakfast with us.  He had already eaten at the local Waffle House.  In fact, he ate at the Waffle House most every morning he proudly told us.  

So as I remembered my friend's father eating at a Waffle House every morning, I bravely thought, "How can you mess up breakfast?" and we made our way to the yellow hut.

If you have never eaten at the Waffle House, I need to tell you that you are missing a unique breakfast experience that has nothing to do with food!  

Upon our arrival, Sandra (names have been changed to protect the ignorant) greeted our party of 7.  She seemed to have difficulty counting past one handful of fingers because I THINK she then asked us how many were in our party but it was hard to tell through the whistling sound of air passing through the blank spaces in her mouth where her teeth should have been.  In any case, The Waffle House was bustling with all kinds of interesting patronage and Sandra eventually did enough math to know she had to seat our party at two different tables.  

As we sat,  Kevin asked CynThia if she would like the opportunity to serve us.  She naturally answered, "Not really," because our tables were separated by one table.  At this point, I need to explain the layout of our Waffle House.  There were three booths all in a row and CynThia stands behind the counter that is behind all three booths to take the order.  Therefore, instead of taking ONE step to take an order, she would actually have to take two and that seemed to be more than poor CynThia could handle this morning.  So, Kevin was the chosen wait staff for our two booths.

Kahuna, Lizard Boy, Spidey and I waited a long time for Kevin to take our order.  This was awkward, because, the set-up of the Waffle House means Kevin was standing right in front of us on the other side of our booth.  He seemed to be avoiding eye contact.  Finally, he set some coffee cups down and said he would be right with us.  Then he added, "I am trying to find some clean silverware somewhere around here."  HUH?  This begged a whole new answer to my original, simple question, "How can you mess up breakfast?"

As we awaited "clean" silverware (and I use that term, oh SO loosely), I looked around at the rest of the greasy spoon.  I lost hope of ever seeing clean silverware. Sandra kept leaving her trash can at everyone's table and forgetting where it was.  I found this amusing since the Waffle House only has about 6 tables in it.  Then she left the trash can near our table.That wasn't so amusing.  The waffle irons sported caked on, baked on "dark waffle" batter.  And Jocelyn assured me I did NOT want to see their back room which she kept getting a good view of when the workers on break would throw out another carton of hash browns to the waiters.

I never did find out what a dark waffle was.  Honestly, I was afraid to ask.  Waffle House has its own lingo and I couldn't tell what ANYONE was eating.  CynThia was just standing behind the counter barking out demands for dark waffles, hash browns that were scattered, smothered, covered and diced, while Kevin pleaded for hash browns "all in a ring".  While my brain was busy trying to decipher how a dive like this made enough money to bribe the health inspector to overlook the lack of clean silverware and anything else clean, my boys were thrilling to the aroma of their waffles and bacon!  Lizard Boy said the waffles smelled and tasted like marshmallows, and he meant that in a good way.  I put aside my reservations and tried to see things through my niece's eyes.  She thinks it would be "fun" to work there.

In the end, we were well fed.  The boys were never happier over eating breakfast out.  And I remembered something I wish I would have thought of when we were making our morning meal plans.  And that is:

My friend's dad, who eats at one of the little yellow diners most every morning, affectionately referred to the Waffle House as the Awful Waffle.  He got a biscuit and gravy for a buck (maybe he is the health inspector and that is the bribe.  I don't know).  And my friend?....She and her husband make moonshine in their bathtub.  I probably should have taken all those things into account and found an IHOP, where the classy people go for breakfast.

I will try that next time because right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Road Trip Dinner Party

"Eating in Sweden is really just a series of heartbreaks." ~ Bill Bryson

"Yeah?  Try Utah." ~ Jill Yuen

As I prepare for my trip to California next month, I am lamenting the fact that I must fly.  Not just because I don't like to, but because there are certain road trip "perks" you just don't get to experience when you cut 18 hours off your travel time.

My family has been on enough Road Trips to know the ins and outs of many things.  But, perhaps the greatest knowledge we have obtained from all of our travels is how to spot a unique dining experience.  And it doesn't get too much more unique than Cracker Barrel, or, as we affectionately call it, "The Barrel".  Cracker Barrel may not be unique to, say, my Tennessee friends, where they are at every freeway exit...on both sides...but for someone who grew up in the Cracker Barrel Wasteland of California, it is definitely special.

I love Cracker Barrel.  Even though you fear for your life the whole time you are at your table, due to the farm equipment and horse buggies hanging over your head, their food is decent.  But my favorite thing about "The Barrel" is that no matter how  gross I feel from sitting on my butt for 11 hours eating junk/fast food...I always feel better about myself when I go there.  Any self-image struggles I had before walking in there, are gone the minute I sit down.  Let's face it, even with their down-home comfort goodies, they are still the WalMart of restaurants.

By the time we stop for dinner on the road, I am usually downright frumpy.  All messy-haired, make-up drained, stinky-breathed and stretchy clothes.  But, as I watched the hostess seat the other guests (Man, as I watched the HOSTESS), I began to feel as hot as any Hollywood starlet around today!  I mean, at least I have all my teeth!

And then it happened.  I sat there feeling all smug.  I felt confident in my intellect.  How could I not?  I was surrounded by bumpkins.  And not just one or two.  WHOLE BUMPKIN FAMILIES!  Not only was I HOT...I was a GENIUS compared to the company surrounding me!  And so to try to douse my ugly, prideful attitude and distract myself from it, I picked up that little golf tee game thingy that they have at every table.

Not only could I NOT win that game...I became consumed by it! I almost didn't eat for want of proving myself better than The Barrel Tee Game!  Jump, jump, jump, FOUR left!  Jump, jump, jump, THREE left!  Jump, jump, jump....aaaaackkkk!  Curse you Golf Tee Game!

But the worst part was....as I looked around at all the toothless, hairless (or hairy, depending on which cousin married which) folks around me, I noticed one thing all of them had in common.  They continually played the Golf Tee Game of Death, too.  But, while I took 10 minutes to finish a round, they casually completed theirs in a minute or two.  And. They. All. Had.

ONE.

Tee. left in the board!

Today, at The Barrel, I had a life changing experience.  Yeah, yeah..".don't judge a book by it's cover."  "Grace, grace."  "It's what's on the inside that counts."  yada yada.  I learned that junk lesson, too.  But more importantly, I learned that perhaps healthy eating and good dental care are overrated.  That hair, whether on your head or only under your arms,  is of minimal consequence to your reasoning ability.  That cousins may just make GREAT spouses.

You ponder that one on your own, because now I

Gotta Mosey!

Surprise Party!

"Not all who wander are lost.  Some have just had their train cancelled." ~ JRR Tolkien, revised

Yesterday, I wrote about the adventures of train travel.  It is definitely a unique experience.  Traveling by train offers you an opportunity to navigate situations and characters not easily afforded by other modes of transportation.  But there is one other journey method that comes really, REALLY close.  And our little band of travelers got to experience it just one short week after our train adventure to Virginia.

We had taken the train to attend a conference in Virginia Beach. The evening before we were to leave to come home, we returned, exhausted, to our room.  As we got on Facebook (because one is never too exhausted for Facebook!), I noticed that Amtrak's page mentioned that some of the trains in the midwest were being cancelled due to flooding on the Great Plains.  The California Zephyr, our ride home, was one of the trains.  We went to Amtrak's website and confirmed it and began to plan our escape travels home.

Since we had about a thousand pounds of luggage, and also numerous, huge display boards, flying was out of the question.  What are girls to do?

You guessed it.  We rented a car.  And so ensues the Great Road Trip West.

Did you know it takes THREE days of CONSTANT driving to get from Virginia Beach, VA to Colorado Springs, CO???

It does.

For those of you who find yourself on an unexpected road trip (which is probably half of all train travelers), please heed the following advice:  Attitude is everything!  Our gang decided not to get bent out of shape.  What else could we do?  We decided to enjoy the ride.  And what a fun ride it was!

Here are my observations from the road.  If you plan to make a trip by Amtrak, you may want to bookmark this post as a resource page!

*He who holds the keys...holds the power.  I did NOT want to stop at Colonial Williamsburg on the way home because I love history and knew we didn't have time to get out.  Unfortunately, I was not driving and found our car hijacked by Blondie.  Do you know how it KILLS a history lover to DRIVE through Colonial Williamsburg??? Who DRIVES through Williamsburg?  Oh yeah....us.  Good thing I grabbed the wheel before she could get to Jamestown!!

*If you are stuck on an unexpected road trip...enjoy the scenery. There is nothing greener than the Appalachian Mountains....or ALL of West Virginia, for that matter.  What beautiful country.  Blessed is the person who's surprise adventure includes this state.

*Where's the Beef?  It is in Kentucky where it comes in every form....but try to find a KENTUCKY Fried Chicken ANYWHERE in that state and you will be sadly disappointed!!!  Ridiculous!  I think that at the border of KENTUCKY, there should be little white haired men passing out free KENTUCKY Fried Chicken and biscuits!!  Know what you get instead?  A glimpse of Hell.  I hate to belabor a point....but once you enter the state all you see is a maze and tangle of fire breathing, smoking pipes and tubes.  Is that really the first impression you want to give people of your state?? (Apparently it is....Kansas had FOUR fiery refineries!)

*Don't Drink and Drive...Avoid Kentucky.   Indiana has a lot of wineries and a Wine Trail.  Kentucky cuts to the chase, ditching the wine and going straight to the hard stuff with their very own Bourbon Trail!  I might add that the Bourbon Trail is along a beautiful expanse of winding, two lane highway.  Bourbon + Windy Roads = DUH!

*What Did You Just Call Me? Instead of the Bluegrass State, Kentucky should be the We Don't Need No New Fangled Ideas...Like Cities State.  Because don't EVER ask someone in Cattletsburg, KY what CITY you are in.  I took a 10 minute tongue lashing from a WENDY'S employee about how I was NOT in a city, I was in a TOWN. Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!

*Hitting the Jackpot! Sure the Gateway Arch was impressive....but the best thing about Missouri?  An overnight stay right by a TRADER JOE'S!!!!  I know that this may be a silly thing to get excited about to some of you, but for someone from Colorado, where there are no Trader Joe's, it was like winning the lottery!

*Beware Salina, Kansas.  Oh sure, it  sounds innocent but it is SCARY.  Just one, big truck stop.  In effort to make me feel okay about having to stay there (and yes, we HAD to stay there because there is nothing else in Kansas, anywhere.....ever) my husband cited a study he read saying Salina was supposed to be one of the best places to raise kids.  Really?  I think it depends on what you are raising your kids for.  If it is to drive a semi or a tractor....Salina is awesome!  All others....move to Colorado.

*I See Dead People's Houses: Kansas should not be the Sunflower State, as I never saw one.  BUT...they have a museum every 5 miles.  They should be the Look-at-the-Old-Houses-of-Dead-People-we-have-Here-in-Our-State State.

*Double Shot Espresso - The Patron Saint of all 12 hour day Road Trippers

*Who Needs an App for That?  When you are driving for three days on an unforeseen and unplanned trek, some instincts are acutely honed.  I am pretty sure Blondie and I know every Starbucks from Virginia Beach to Colorado Springs, such was our need for caffeine!

*WHAT?  And Kansas has TWO Starbucks.  ugh!

*Duh!  A state as flat and boring as Kansas needs LOTS of Starbucks!

*There's No Place Like Home.  There's NOTHING like the Rocky Mountains!!

So, all in all.....it was 30 hours of travel by car.  We couldn't see out the back window because we were stuffed to the gills with luggage and display boards!  But, we would do another Surprise Road Trip in a heartbeat...as long as we could plan it first!

Tell me your best Road Trip Tips!  For now, I

Gotta Mosey

May the Force Be With You

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~ Henry David Thoreau

I believe the single greatest invention for travelers has been the portable GPS systems we can now take with us in cars to direct us to our destinations.  They are so much better than maps.  I hate maps.  There is so much pressure.  Or maybe that is just when Kahuna and I travel.

Kahuna and I have always enjoyed any weekend getaways that we could plan.  Before kids, this used to be a somewhat regular event.  He liked the opportunity to visit someplace quiet and relax from the work week.  I liked getting somewhere to relax from the ride to that somewhere!  As I have stated before, my side of the family has excellent sense of direction.  Kahuna's is a little more challenged.  So, in the days before GPS', we had to travel by map...if Kahuna had stashed one.  There was no MapQuest, there was no high frequency direction finder.  Just Kahuna frantically throwing a map at me in the car with only seconds to the suspected exit, and the next exit 20 miles (possibly) out of our way!  AND...even if I could figure out whether we need to exit or stay on the freeway, I still have to get the map unfolded first.  You can imagine our frames of mind when we showed up our first night anywhere.  Usually we would be talking to each other again by the next day, but only if our day trip plans did not include the use of a map.

So, the GPS is not just a direction finder, but in our case, a marriage saver.  I am thankful.

Sometimes, though, the GPS is not worthy of that kind of hope and gratitude.  Take, for instance, our first GPS, Maggie.  (Something about those devices having their own distinct voices demands that we name them)  She was AWESOME at first.  Her reliability waned as the years went on, however, until finally, my friend and I and our kids found ourselves lost in Kentucky because Maggie had a mental and technological breakdown!  After that final straw, we were reduced to MapQuest.  

Until this Christmas.  

This year, I got a new GPS for Kahuna.  A Tom Tom.  It has been great!  It is more compact and easy to use and, the bonus is...IT WORKS!  But my favorite part of our new Tom Tom is that I no longer have to listen to boring directions.  Our new GPS is DARTH Tom Tom!  Yes!  Darth Vader leads us on our journeys with such wisdom as (and you have to picture this with Vader's voice and breathing or it means nothing), "Turn right to get on the freeway.  STAY IN FORMATION!", and "I see Obi Wan has taught you well."   Wrong turn?  Be admonished as Darth breathes, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."   All of Darth Vader's commands and comments make traveling a light hearted and fun adventure.  But if you read my post yesterday (and if you didn't, you should because this will be much funnier.  Link Here.), you will understand after watching this video why I REALLY invested in Darth Tom Tom.

Enjoy the video.  Right now, I 

Gotta Mosey

Round and Round and Round We Go!

"Give me liberty, or give me a Roundabout!" ~ Patrick Henry {revised}

I realized as I posted last week about the numerous road trips that I would like to take, I neglected to mention some very important pieces of advice to consider when planning a car trip.  There are several to keep in mind so that you can make the most of your travels .  But one Road Trip Rule stands head and shoulders above the rest!  And I implore you to take it to heart when you are planning your outing.

I became aware of this travel pitfall when I traveled to the "First in Flight" state....North Carolina. There they seem to have forgotten that we won the Revolution and are free from the tyrannical rule of the English Crown. It appears to me that they  need a firm reminder that we won our independence and no longer need to appease the king (never mind the fact that England doesn't even HAVE a king right now!)!

I was in North Carolina with friends for a conference when all the trouble began.  We had flown out (which tells you my frame of mind already, given how I detest flying), and then rented a car to make the daily shuttle from our hotel to the conference and back again.  Maybe it was the fact that the van was Japanese. Or maybe it was because our GPS was an Australian mate named, 'Lee'. In any case, things began to take a turn for the worse. And a turn. And a turn. And a turn......

Oh, sure, it started out innocently enough. We even stopped at the American institution, Wal*Mart to replenish our water supply. But, it was hard to feel very red, white and blue, when your driving guide announces in an Aussie accent that you have arrived at "W-Al Mort Sipper Cent-ear". From there, things just got worse. I even saw Miley Cyrus in a British Union Jack shirt! Isn’t she an American COUNTRY singer! I even tend to suspect that she may not know exactly where England is! Freedom people! We fought and died for it! I don't love country music, by any means, but those people usually bleed stars and stripes!

After we got our water, which, by the way, was bottled by Nestle, a SWISS company for goodness sakes.....we hopped back in our Toyota van and sidled up to 'Lee' as he led us through the back country to our hotel. (all the while passing restaurants like, The Olive Garden and Outback.....whatever happened to McDonald's? Oh! They are probably Scottish! Okay....getting off the soapbox now).

Please don’t misunderstand…I LOVE the melting pot that we are. I love that we have Australian GPS', Japanese cars (and sushi!!), Italian pizza and pasta, and Chinese husbands. Normally, I would never complain about our inclusive American culture. I almost always feel very blessed by it. BUT....there is one thing I cannot stand. It is a European import that I will NEVER embrace.

And I got STUCK on it that night in North Carolina. Oh yeah....you know it.....

The dreaded roundabout.

I hate them.


I was driving the van, to give my friend a break. We kind of had a deal. One drives and one navigates (and our kids constantly assist from the very, very back of the van!). So, there we were driving on the back roads. There isn't much to this part of North Carolina. Mayberry is no stretch of the imagination.....neither are their roads. Straight shots. Until.......

In the middle of God's Country, all of the sudden we come to a ROUNDABOUT! You know....those ridiculous traffic obstacle courses. One minute we are looking at hillbilly haven, and the next minute we are dropped on to the epitome of a traffic circus, the roundabout.

I am not sure exactly how many times we actually went around the roundabout, but it was a lot! Every time we would get to the other side of the roundabout, 5 different fingers would point in 5 different directions yelling at me to try to get off the roundabout. But, there was no escape. Round and round we went. Again and again. Over and over. I am pretty sure it wasn't me who started crying first....but by the time we finally got off, we all had tears running down our face!

And that was when I realized it. Roundabouts are an English plot. To distract the "Colonists" and lead them into fits of insanity. Sooner or later, we will all be stuck on a roundabout with Lobster-back troops marching in and then you will hear me screaming at the tops of my lungs.....

THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

Until then, I 

Gotta Mosey!

In the Merry 'Ol Land of Wamego

"We're off to see the Wizard!" ~ Dorothy Gale and Friends in the Wizard of Oz

Welcome to Day 3 of my Dream Destinations Week!  So far, I have set my sights on Graceland in Memphis, TN and the annual Svensk Hyllningsfest in Lindsborg, KS.  And it is beginning to look like fall for the Trendy Travelers is going to be busy with trips to Kansas as, Oztoberfest is coming to Wamego, Kansas at the end of September and who wants to miss that?

The Wizard of Oz has a special place in my heart.  When I was younger, I tried to do as my parents told me and expected of me, but some temptations were far too great for me to overcome.  My mother had some rules that I was not too anxious to break.  If I overstepped the boundaries I am sure there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth...mainly mine.

But, still, there was that one line I was dying to cross!  It beckoned to me every day.  Every. Single. Day.

It started innocently enough.  Usually in summer.  You know how it was.  I was a latchkey kid; home alone all day long in the summer.  By myself.  Left to my own devices.  A child giving into that one big temptation.  I didn't mean for it to happen.  There were those "gateway" sins that came first.

Like.....the Monkees.  They were on at noon every day.  And I watched.  No harm, no foul.  Later, in the day when I was older, I watched All My Children.  Still no issue.  Yet, I was flirting closer and closer to disaster every day I turned on the TV.  Each day, turning on the set a little earlier.  Each day dancing closer to the line of no return.  And then....one day....I did it.  I turned on the TV at 10 in the morning and watched....

THE BRADY BUNCH!!!  

The Bradys were contraband in my house.  My mother had no issue with Gilligan, the Monkees, Bewitched and the rest of the re-run crowd....but the Bradys were completely off limits!  And I have to admit....they never helped my cause.  My mother hated the way Mike and Carol never had to actually discipline the kids. (Secretly, I think it had nothing to do with the kids, I think my mom was jealous that Carol had a full time housekeeper).  I hated how the kids totally repented and obeyed after one small reprimand of, "Now Marsha."  "Now Greg."  But, still....it was just a TV show.  When I started watching what had always been restricted to me, I began to see that the Brady Bunch was really no big deal.  It actually wasn't even that great of a show.   I began to wonder about all those other shows that were forbidden to me.  Maybe they weren't so bad/good either.

Don't get me wrong though.  My Mom loves movies.  Albeit, not the ones I would have liked as a child.  My mom was so excited to share her favorite movie with me when I was six.  My first movie with an intermission!  Just like in the fancy movies!!!  You know why movies have intermissions?  Because they keep you from breaking out in hysterics from boredom.  The movie my mom took me to?  Gone with the Wind.  Which I now can appreciate as  3 hours of cinematic masterpiece....but at six years old, was the most terrible form of torture I could imagine.  I didn't even get popcorn!!!!!  I was hardly old enough to know what Viet Nam was, let alone a war that occurred over a hundred years before!!!  Watching this movie, by the way, subjected me to more cruel and unusual punishment, like Joan Baez music.  For days after we saw Gone with the Wind, my mother would play The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down on her Joan Baez album over and over and over and over again...ad nauseum.  I still break out in a cold sweat when I hear that song.

So, as you can see, I was quite neglected limited in what I was allowed for my viewing pleasure.  While other little girls were curling their hair in sponge rollers and entering Shirley Temple look-alike contests (which, by the way, Cindy Brady did in an episode of the Brady Bunch), I was  reenacting Scarlett's big scene before the much needed intermission...."As God as my witness, I will never be hungry again!" (complete with realistic retching sounds).    While other girls were auditioning in their drama classes with Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I was stuck leading Joan Baez sing-alongs!

There was actually a whole slew of entertainment that I was not allowed to watch. But, the biggest Hollywood taboo in my childhood home was The Wizard of OZ.   My mother HATES The Wizard of Oz, but my father could not wait to share with me and  is now one of my favorite movies. When I was a kid, the Wizard was only on TV once a year during Spring Break.  I was always thankful for the times when it was my Dad's turn to have me during that holiday, so I could watch Dorothy and her friends get over on that icky, green witch.  Something my mom would never allow.

So, the Wizard became this secret rebellion.  Though it was rebellion born out of a fantastic story, incredible music and father-daughter bonding.  It is easy to see why I love that movie for so many reasons.  So, while driving through Kansas, you can also see how I get so excited when the Oz billboards  start popping up on the side of the freeway near Wamego.  Well, I am hoping soon, this will be a Dream Come True Destination!

Wamego has built a livelihood on the Emerald City and its residences.  Much of the town revolves around L.Frank Baum's classic-come-to-life.  From festivals to drinks, to menus and museums, every aspect of Oz seems to be alive and well in Wamego.  

The foundational pillar of Ozness in Wamego has to be the Oz Museum.  According to their website, the museum houses over 2,000 "artifacts" dating back to the book's publishing date of 1900.  The museum houses memorabilia from the 1939 musical starring Judy Garland, as well as items from the 1925 silent film of the same name starring Oliver Hardy as the Tin Woodman (who knew?!).  Also available for observation are items from the Diana Ross/Michael Jackson/Bill Cosby movie, The Wiz.  All Oz bases seem to be covered in the Wamego museum.  

After visiting the museum, if you are still trying to forget you are in Kansas...and I have been there, it is a favorite pastime....you can ease on down, ease on down the road to Toto's Tacoz.  Here, you can enjoy all kinds of Fresh-Mex food from a Tin Man Black Bean Burrito, to Munchkin Tacos to a Yellow Brick Burro'd (I am NOT asking if that is a description of the meat used in this dish).  The restaurant offers indoor patio seating, perhaps to avoid tornadoes coming through outdoor patios....?  And also Oz murals to enjoy as you eat.

But, the reason I want to go in the fall is because at the end of  September,  Wamego, Kansas hosts Oztoberfest!  Last year, this event included several dinner theater productions of The Wizard of Oz, a silent auction to benefit the Oz Museum, with items such as a limited edition Oz lamp, special edition DVD sets, signed Ruby Slippers license plates and gift bags signed by special Oz guests.  One of those guests was probably Margaret Pellegrini, who is one of three surviving Munchkins.  According to the Oztoberfest website, she has a great relationship with the Oz community in Wamego and attends this event as health allows.  Wow!  A visit with a real, live Munchkin!  She would be awesome for my Munchkyuens to meet...because I am a nicer mom than my own when it comes to movies...I love the Wizard of Oz!  And so do my kids!  But I digress.  Also available for visitors to Oztoberfest is a 10K Ruby Slipper Run (though, I was disappointed to find out this is just the name of the race and not the required running shoe option), a street fair, a two mile Scarecrow Fun Run, a Yellow Brick Road Bike Ride, a Munchkinland Kid's Play Area and much, much more!  They also have a Sip-and-Stroll for those over 21, with wine and beer tastings...represented by many wineries and breweries, EXCEPT the Oz Winery.  Which is sad, because it would just be fun to see the bottles from Oz Winery.  They have  wines called Ding Dong, the Wine is Red, Witch Gone Good,  Wine of a Different Color and myriad of other labels.  The pictures on the labels are worth having that vendor around!

Last year's Silent Auction Special at  Oztoberfest.  Who wouldn't want THAT conversation piece in their living room?

As you can see, Wamego is completely committed to being Oz.  And helping you enjoy your journey there, as well.  After poking around Wamego's website, you can see why they call themselves "Small Town - BIG Experience".  They remind you to stay in Wamego when visiting because they have over 90 ROOMS available.  One of which, Kahuna and I hope to secure with our Munchkyuens in an upcoming autumn.  

Until then, I

Gotta Mosey!

Valkommen! Ja!

"This doesn't look like Kansas, Toto." ~ Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz

Well, here we are on Day 2 of my Dream Destinations week.  I hope that yesterday's jaunt to Graceland didn't cause you to lose faith in journeying with me.  I know that Graceland is the epitome of gaudy ostentatiousness, but, come on....it's Elvis.

However, for those with more sophisticated tastes, who desire culture and refinement, today's foray may be just the thing to redeem myself!  

Dream Destination #2:  Svensk Hyllningsfest in Lindsborg, Kansas

Lindsborg is a town in Kansas that was settled by Swedish pioneers in 1869.  To say it is a small town is an understatement.  As of 2011, the 1.5 square mile town had just 3,465 residents.  But it is rich in Scandinavian tradition!  And every fall of odd numbered years, Lindsborg hosts Svensk Hyllningsfest - a festival to honor the town's Swedish heritage.  There is traditional folk dancing, music, arts, entertainment, Dala Horses and smorgasbord!  Pure culture.  No kitsch here!

It is my opinion that nothing screams cultural diversity more than a town of 3500 Swedish descendants celebrating their heritage at a traditional Swedish Honoring Festival in the fall.....in KANSAS.  Seriously speaking,  I am sure that our Amer-Asian family will drastically change the town's demographics when we show up, just by increasing the number of brunettes in Lindsborg. But, I am also sure that Lindsborg may be the closest retreat we have to a foreign country and well worth the travel into the flatlands of Kansas.

I look forward to attending the festival in October of this year.  They already have a whole schedule of events for the weekend of the Svensk Hyllningsfest, including, but not limited to smorgasbord, folk dancing, clogging (by a traditional Swedish group from the booming metropolis of Marquette, KS, population 641), folk dancing, arts and crafts, folk dancing, smorgasbord, folk dancing WITH the audience, smorgasbord and folk dancing!  Yes, there'll be swingin', swayin', records playin'...."dansing" in the street!  And food.

And apparently a Dala Horse hunt.  Not to eat.  Just to find.  There are many, many Dalas all over town and so the challenge is to see how many you can find.  Including the City Hall Dala - Fala, the Dala Brick Road.  No joke.  That is the town's most famous Dala Horse!  In Kansas....get it?  Oh those riotous Swedes!

Besides going to Lindsborg for their festival and their obvious sense of wit and whimsy, I would like to visit some of their Top 5 Attractions (which actually lists dozens of attractions, which tells me the Swedes of Lindsborg know how to have a good time...but not how to count).  Fine dining abounds in this quaint village on the prairie, with the #1 offering on Lindsborg's website being Bethany College's cafeteria.  The only pitfall here, besides the fact that it is a school lunch, is that you can only dine here during the school year. If you visit Lindsborg during the summer, you will have to settle for fare from one of the other fine eating establishments, such as Casey's Carryout Pizza.  I wonder if Casey serves that with Lingonberry jam.

Number 2 on the list of attractions in Lingsborg, or Little Sweden as the locals call it, is Coronado Heights.  This winner of one of Kansas' 8 Wonders of Kansas Geography is supposedly a historical and natural delight.  My guess is that it is on the 8 Wonders list because it is Coronado HEIGHTS, which in a state as flat as Kansas, is saying something.

The third attraction list is of art galleries in the town.  After all the dancing and smorgasbording I intend to do in October in Little Sweden, I do not know how much time I will have to observe art, but I am going to be sure to make time to visit Hemsljod, "An Adventure in Swedish Tradition", which made the list of the 8 Wonders of Kansas Customs list, for it's traditional and pop art Dala Horse Factory!  This gallery also makes the #4 attraction category of Swedish Gift Shops.

And finally on their top 5 attractions list, Lindsborg has many historical buildings and walking tours to offer.  None of which sound as fun a ride on Fala, the Dala Brick Road, or smorgasbord.

As you can see, Lindsborg, is in no shortage of class and culture.  Enjoy the following video so you, too can plan a visit to Little Sweden on the Prairie.

  Let me know what you think in the comments because right now, I 

Jag Maste Mosey!  (Gotta Mosey!)

Walkin' In Memphis

"I'll stay in Memphis." ~ Elvis Presley

Over the next few days, I will be sharing my Dream Destinations with you.  They are all places I am either already planning on visiting, or am hoping to go to soon.  

Vacations are as unique and distinctive as the individuals who plan them.  Some people look forward to theme parks with the kids, others desire a restful, tropical beach, and still others look for mountain get-aways with plenty of hiking and fishing.  All of those places are enjoyable destinations, but for me, I like kitsch.

I am all about the people,food and storymaking when I travel!  It seems the more unusual the venue, the more incredible the people that you meet. It takes a certain genius to make an industry out of brazen tastelessness.  That kind of genius attracts the most extraordinary audience.  And I want to meet that audience!

Anyone can hang out with a bunch of beach bums in Hawaii.  But where is the conversation in that?  Everyone has the same story.  Honeymooners, newlyweds, oldlyweds on an anniversary trip.  Same stories, different faces.  Forget the mundane - Give me the brazen, the tasteless, the extraordinary!  

First stop:  ELVIS PRESLEY'S GRACELAND

I have actually been to Graceland already.  Well, okay...not in Graceland, but I have been to the gift shop.  We took a side trip to the Elvis shrine that is Elvis Presley Blvd. just so I could see it.  But there were 8 of us traveling...and at 37.00 a pop to actually go in the gates - well, you do the math.  It was gas to get home or Graceland!  Gas won. (but only because Kahuna insisted!)

Junior and I will be traveling to Virginia this summer and are hoping to make a stopover at the King's residence on our way home.  I am only taking Junior because she is the only one in my family that truly appreciates Elvis like I do....though, I suspect it is for this reason only....

What can I say, she has good taste!

I really want to take the Graceland tour.  I want to see the Jungle Room.  I admit it.  No shame.  None.  Because the beauty of Elvis Presley is that you could never be born too late to be a fan!  

Elvis died when I was 9 years old.  But that means nothing.  He was bigger than life, and we still have access to him through music, movies, and books.  We can choose an instant play movie of his on Netflix, iTunes is rife with his music...performed by he and many others... and we can Google a gazillion images of him in one keystroke.  Instant Elvis keeps us as perpetual fans!

And then, there is that chance, that once in a lifetime possibility that we...just...might...meet...him.  Though many people think that Elvis began being sighted in Kalamazoo, MI in 1987, according to the Elvis Information Network, spiritual and live sightings of Elvii began occurring immediately after his "death".  

I don't want to overstate the obvious, but if you owned this....

Peacock Room in Elvis Presley's Graceland Mansion

Would you be hanging out here......

Kalamazoo, MI

Just sayin'....I will take my chances trying to sight Elvis at Graceland.  And if he "isn't home", as they like to say at his estate, I will just trek down to Democrat Road in Memphis and check out the King of the World: Elvis Tribute Artist World Championships!  Here I can meet literally hundreds of Elvii!    You can, too!  From the rules of the contest, it seems every forethought has been meticulously planned to give the most authentic Elvis Experience...including rules number 3 and 11 which strictly mandate the use and sharing of scarves during a performance!

I am thinking that after a hard day of touring the King's Rock 'n Roll Palace and investigating his disappearance, Junior and I are going to need some serious nourishment.  I am hoping to catch us a great PB&B sandwich (Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich...yes, I know it is unhealthy, but yolo..unless you are Elvis, who may or may not be on his second life according to this information).  It seems to me, in my research, that the best place to try this hip shakin' super sandwich will be at the oldest restaurant in Memphis, the Arcade.  They bury the sandwich on the last page of their online menu, but most reviews say, this is the place to go for Presley's favorite num num!

I hope to end the day with a good night's rest.  Where, you ask?  Well, where else would an Elvis fan stay?

Perhaps in one of the Elvis-themed Suites here...

I hope to make the pilgrimage visit in June.  Any helpful hints on tracking down the King or other things to do in Memphis that are Elvis related, are greatly appreciated!  Leave them in the comments section because right now, I

Gotta Mosey!