Roundashout

"The only way round, is through." ~ Robert Frost

"Unless you're in Michigan." ~ Jill Yuen

Well!  Wouldn't THIS tutorial have been handy before my trip to Hamlet, North Carolina, where I nearly lost my life on a Roundabout for FOUR days straight?!  If you missed that little joy ride, you can read about it here.  The short version of the story is that Roundabouts are...I am just going to say it...they are stupid!  

Anything that requires a three minute video lesson, and demands you  travel to your destination by going in the opposite direction of said destination, is complete nonsense.  Not to mention, nearly impossible to exit without hurting someone. Or losing your mind.  Or both!   

I find it necessary to mention here that the above video is the short version.  The actual full length video is over 9 minutes long!  All that to turn left....after first being forced to go right.  It takes less than 30 seconds to just turn left, and no tutorial is necessary.

After I found this informative film clip presented by the Michigan DOT, I looked up additional tips for attempting to drive in Roundabouts on their website.  Here are some of the nuggets they shared:

1.  Slow down as you approach the Roundabout.  I am just saying...if it were a normal intersection, we could actually stop before entering.  But slowing down as you approach a Roundabout means you won't be able to get on the traffic circle, because everyone else who is already on it, is stuck. The drivers are stuck because the outside lane people can't figure out where to exit and the inside lane people can't get to the outside lane because it is packed with people trying to find their exit.  So, the outside traffic slows down as they try to discern which exit they want, and because they are dizzy from driving in circles, they can't figure it out.  Meanwhile, the inside lane drives faster because they are trying to find an open space in the outside lane.  That is why the outside lane is dizzy...because before they made it to the outside lane, they were speeding around the inside of the circle.  Those entering the Roundabout have a choice to either stop and wait until the inevitable pile up happens and they can squeeze past the carnage, OR, floor it and say a prayer.  Slowing down to enter is not an option.

2. Use the sign guides and lane designation markers to choose the appropriate lane for the intended destination.   Again, just pointing out the obvious, I am sure, but, if this was a normal intersection, we would only need a stop sign.  And it would be right in front of us.  And obvious.  Here are what Roundabout signs tell you:

Mind you, this picture puzzle is not right in front of you, but on the side of the circle, as you are turning away from it.  But, even if it was right in front of the driver, they would still need a manual to decipher the meaning of the sign.  (Which is another reason the outside lane slows down so much...it's hard to turn the wheel and scratch your head at the same time)  So, as the driver continues around in the circle, they continue to look back to try to figure out how in the world they get off that crazy thing!  (Cue George Jetson music...."Jane!  Get me off this crazy thing!")

3.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you approach the crosswalk.  Yield to those intending to cross.  PEDESTRIANS AND BICYCLISTS?!  I just want to make a simple left hand turn...not run an obstacle course!

4.  Slow down as you approach the Yield sign and the dashed Yield line.  Look to the left and see if other vehicles are traveling in the Roundabout.  Of course they are!  We already established...THEY CAN'T GET OFF!

5.  Once there is an adequate gap in traffic, enter the Roundabout.  Do not stop or change lanes once you have entered the Roundabout.  Ummmm....what is that second lane for then, if you aren't supposed to change lanes? I think that lane is the Lane of Lost Hope.  It is where people go when they have been driving on the Roundabout so long they have lost any hope of ever exiting.  They enter the second lane with the prospect of finally running out of gas so that they can at least keep from throwing up.

6.  As you approach your intended destination, signal your intent to exit.  Look for pedestrians and bicyclists as you exit.  Whatever.  I am getting off that Roundabout any way I can...each man to himself!

And just to help you fully understand the driving instructions, the Michigan DOT includes this simple (?!), helpful (??!!) diagram:

OR...how about this instead?  We could all stop and take simple turns and be done with it!

One last thing to point out from the MI DOT informational page is that one of their stated purposes for using Roundabouts is for aesthetic reasons.  It's true.  Their page says, "Roundabouts create an area for communities to provide green space and landscape architecture.  There are no large poles, overhead wires or signals cluttering the visual environment."  That's true, but the twisted wreckage of all the cars that lay by the wayside make it hard to enjoy the visual environment.  And also, the lunatic ravings being screamed out car windows as drivers try to exit makes me think their philosophy is flawed.

I will travel back East this summer.  In the East, they LOVE Roundabouts.  I am starting a letter writing campaign to Apple asking them to make an app for my iPhone before then that can help me avoid traffic circles.  I think they should call it Roundashout and it should scream bloody murder anytime you come within a half mile of a traffic circle.  Let me know what you would call it.

Gotta Mosey!

Round and Round and Round We Go!

"Give me liberty, or give me a Roundabout!" ~ Patrick Henry {revised}

I realized as I posted last week about the numerous road trips that I would like to take, I neglected to mention some very important pieces of advice to consider when planning a car trip.  There are several to keep in mind so that you can make the most of your travels .  But one Road Trip Rule stands head and shoulders above the rest!  And I implore you to take it to heart when you are planning your outing.

I became aware of this travel pitfall when I traveled to the "First in Flight" state....North Carolina. There they seem to have forgotten that we won the Revolution and are free from the tyrannical rule of the English Crown. It appears to me that they  need a firm reminder that we won our independence and no longer need to appease the king (never mind the fact that England doesn't even HAVE a king right now!)!

I was in North Carolina with friends for a conference when all the trouble began.  We had flown out (which tells you my frame of mind already, given how I detest flying), and then rented a car to make the daily shuttle from our hotel to the conference and back again.  Maybe it was the fact that the van was Japanese. Or maybe it was because our GPS was an Australian mate named, 'Lee'. In any case, things began to take a turn for the worse. And a turn. And a turn. And a turn......

Oh, sure, it started out innocently enough. We even stopped at the American institution, Wal*Mart to replenish our water supply. But, it was hard to feel very red, white and blue, when your driving guide announces in an Aussie accent that you have arrived at "W-Al Mort Sipper Cent-ear". From there, things just got worse. I even saw Miley Cyrus in a British Union Jack shirt! Isn’t she an American COUNTRY singer! I even tend to suspect that she may not know exactly where England is! Freedom people! We fought and died for it! I don't love country music, by any means, but those people usually bleed stars and stripes!

After we got our water, which, by the way, was bottled by Nestle, a SWISS company for goodness sakes.....we hopped back in our Toyota van and sidled up to 'Lee' as he led us through the back country to our hotel. (all the while passing restaurants like, The Olive Garden and Outback.....whatever happened to McDonald's? Oh! They are probably Scottish! Okay....getting off the soapbox now).

Please don’t misunderstand…I LOVE the melting pot that we are. I love that we have Australian GPS', Japanese cars (and sushi!!), Italian pizza and pasta, and Chinese husbands. Normally, I would never complain about our inclusive American culture. I almost always feel very blessed by it. BUT....there is one thing I cannot stand. It is a European import that I will NEVER embrace.

And I got STUCK on it that night in North Carolina. Oh yeah....you know it.....

The dreaded roundabout.

I hate them.


I was driving the van, to give my friend a break. We kind of had a deal. One drives and one navigates (and our kids constantly assist from the very, very back of the van!). So, there we were driving on the back roads. There isn't much to this part of North Carolina. Mayberry is no stretch of the imagination.....neither are their roads. Straight shots. Until.......

In the middle of God's Country, all of the sudden we come to a ROUNDABOUT! You know....those ridiculous traffic obstacle courses. One minute we are looking at hillbilly haven, and the next minute we are dropped on to the epitome of a traffic circus, the roundabout.

I am not sure exactly how many times we actually went around the roundabout, but it was a lot! Every time we would get to the other side of the roundabout, 5 different fingers would point in 5 different directions yelling at me to try to get off the roundabout. But, there was no escape. Round and round we went. Again and again. Over and over. I am pretty sure it wasn't me who started crying first....but by the time we finally got off, we all had tears running down our face!

And that was when I realized it. Roundabouts are an English plot. To distract the "Colonists" and lead them into fits of insanity. Sooner or later, we will all be stuck on a roundabout with Lobster-back troops marching in and then you will hear me screaming at the tops of my lungs.....

THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

Until then, I 

Gotta Mosey!