Surprise Party!

"Not all who wander are lost.  Some have just had their train cancelled." ~ JRR Tolkien, revised

Yesterday, I wrote about the adventures of train travel.  It is definitely a unique experience.  Traveling by train offers you an opportunity to navigate situations and characters not easily afforded by other modes of transportation.  But there is one other journey method that comes really, REALLY close.  And our little band of travelers got to experience it just one short week after our train adventure to Virginia.

We had taken the train to attend a conference in Virginia Beach. The evening before we were to leave to come home, we returned, exhausted, to our room.  As we got on Facebook (because one is never too exhausted for Facebook!), I noticed that Amtrak's page mentioned that some of the trains in the midwest were being cancelled due to flooding on the Great Plains.  The California Zephyr, our ride home, was one of the trains.  We went to Amtrak's website and confirmed it and began to plan our escape travels home.

Since we had about a thousand pounds of luggage, and also numerous, huge display boards, flying was out of the question.  What are girls to do?

You guessed it.  We rented a car.  And so ensues the Great Road Trip West.

Did you know it takes THREE days of CONSTANT driving to get from Virginia Beach, VA to Colorado Springs, CO???

It does.

For those of you who find yourself on an unexpected road trip (which is probably half of all train travelers), please heed the following advice:  Attitude is everything!  Our gang decided not to get bent out of shape.  What else could we do?  We decided to enjoy the ride.  And what a fun ride it was!

Here are my observations from the road.  If you plan to make a trip by Amtrak, you may want to bookmark this post as a resource page!

*He who holds the keys...holds the power.  I did NOT want to stop at Colonial Williamsburg on the way home because I love history and knew we didn't have time to get out.  Unfortunately, I was not driving and found our car hijacked by Blondie.  Do you know how it KILLS a history lover to DRIVE through Colonial Williamsburg??? Who DRIVES through Williamsburg?  Oh yeah....us.  Good thing I grabbed the wheel before she could get to Jamestown!!

*If you are stuck on an unexpected road trip...enjoy the scenery. There is nothing greener than the Appalachian Mountains....or ALL of West Virginia, for that matter.  What beautiful country.  Blessed is the person who's surprise adventure includes this state.

*Where's the Beef?  It is in Kentucky where it comes in every form....but try to find a KENTUCKY Fried Chicken ANYWHERE in that state and you will be sadly disappointed!!!  Ridiculous!  I think that at the border of KENTUCKY, there should be little white haired men passing out free KENTUCKY Fried Chicken and biscuits!!  Know what you get instead?  A glimpse of Hell.  I hate to belabor a point....but once you enter the state all you see is a maze and tangle of fire breathing, smoking pipes and tubes.  Is that really the first impression you want to give people of your state?? (Apparently it is....Kansas had FOUR fiery refineries!)

*Don't Drink and Drive...Avoid Kentucky.   Indiana has a lot of wineries and a Wine Trail.  Kentucky cuts to the chase, ditching the wine and going straight to the hard stuff with their very own Bourbon Trail!  I might add that the Bourbon Trail is along a beautiful expanse of winding, two lane highway.  Bourbon + Windy Roads = DUH!

*What Did You Just Call Me? Instead of the Bluegrass State, Kentucky should be the We Don't Need No New Fangled Ideas...Like Cities State.  Because don't EVER ask someone in Cattletsburg, KY what CITY you are in.  I took a 10 minute tongue lashing from a WENDY'S employee about how I was NOT in a city, I was in a TOWN. Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!

*Hitting the Jackpot! Sure the Gateway Arch was impressive....but the best thing about Missouri?  An overnight stay right by a TRADER JOE'S!!!!  I know that this may be a silly thing to get excited about to some of you, but for someone from Colorado, where there are no Trader Joe's, it was like winning the lottery!

*Beware Salina, Kansas.  Oh sure, it  sounds innocent but it is SCARY.  Just one, big truck stop.  In effort to make me feel okay about having to stay there (and yes, we HAD to stay there because there is nothing else in Kansas, anywhere.....ever) my husband cited a study he read saying Salina was supposed to be one of the best places to raise kids.  Really?  I think it depends on what you are raising your kids for.  If it is to drive a semi or a tractor....Salina is awesome!  All others....move to Colorado.

*I See Dead People's Houses: Kansas should not be the Sunflower State, as I never saw one.  BUT...they have a museum every 5 miles.  They should be the Look-at-the-Old-Houses-of-Dead-People-we-have-Here-in-Our-State State.

*Double Shot Espresso - The Patron Saint of all 12 hour day Road Trippers

*Who Needs an App for That?  When you are driving for three days on an unforeseen and unplanned trek, some instincts are acutely honed.  I am pretty sure Blondie and I know every Starbucks from Virginia Beach to Colorado Springs, such was our need for caffeine!

*WHAT?  And Kansas has TWO Starbucks.  ugh!

*Duh!  A state as flat and boring as Kansas needs LOTS of Starbucks!

*There's No Place Like Home.  There's NOTHING like the Rocky Mountains!!

So, all in all.....it was 30 hours of travel by car.  We couldn't see out the back window because we were stuffed to the gills with luggage and display boards!  But, we would do another Surprise Road Trip in a heartbeat...as long as we could plan it first!

Tell me your best Road Trip Tips!  For now, I

Gotta Mosey

Long Train Runnin'

"My heart is warm with the friends I make,

And better friends, I'll not be knowing,

Yet, there isn't a train I wouldn't take,

No matter where it's going."

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay, The Selected Poetry

If you read my early posts, one thing is probably clear to you - I hate flying.  That is a gross understatement.  I mean I REALLY hate to fly. I have never enjoyed it, so a couple of years ago, I decided to do something “fun” instead as I traveled back east.  I decided taking the train would be a better travel choice.  I love to travel by train.  I have done it several times, including a long trip through Canada.  And it has been fun.

Well, if you consider Hell fun, that is.

Oh yes, did you know that is an actual Amtrak stop?  It is!  I have been there.  But perhaps I better back up a bit.

My friend Blondie, her daughter, JJ, my daughter, Jef and I began our adventure back in Denver.  Amtrak spares no expense at keeping things rip-roaring "fun"  from the very beginning.

I had been so excited to travel from the historic Union Station in Denver and became quite disappointed to find out that it was being overhauled and we had to leave from a temporary station instead.  

Which also happens to be invisible.

Yeah, I know….what?  But after following directions from MapQuest (this was before we owned Darth TomTom), and Blondie's iPhone’s GPS app AND  Kahuna's  surprisingly good sense of direction, we drove all around Coors Field without being able to find the train station.  After wandering aimlessly, we finally happened upon the station.  The station with parking for Mini Coopers only.

After 15 minutes of trying to maneuver our Durango into VW Clown Parking Only, we were able to park and get our luggage out and check in just in time to be late!  And to find out that the GIGANTIC suitcases we packed for checked baggage, could not be checked! 

The fun continued as we had to run, wheeling our GIGANTO-BAGS and lugging ALL of our carry on luggage (which consisted of at least 2 twenty-five pound bags of snacks) ACROSS THE STREET (because what sense does it make to build a temporary train station NEAR the train itself?), up the stairs to the platform and then onto the second story of the train.  (I am just saying….workout for the week was done at that point)

As we stowed our luggage and found our seats, we settled in and SAT on the track for an hour.  Sure am glad we rushed to get to that train!

Finally we got moving, made some PB&J sandwiches, washed up and went to sleep.  Thankfully, we slept through Kansas and awoke to a beautiful sunrise in Nebraska with sights set on getting to Chicago that afternoon where we would endure a FOUR hour lay-over before hopping our next train, the Capitol Limited, to Washington, DC.

Our first night of sleep was a little restless, but we were having fun.  REAL fun this time.  On the California Zephyr (the first train we were on), the snack bar was run by a phenomenal guy named, Frank!  He kept things light and funny.  He also used to do hair, and couldn’t keep his hands off Jef's “GREAT hair cut”.  Jef has HUGE personal space, so you can imagine how this was NOT a fun part of the trip for her!

We traveled on, enjoying Frank’s antics and the ride, but slowly, we became acutely aware of “the smell”.  Oh yes, it was not pleasant for any of us, but Blondie sprayed a whole bottle of Bath and Body Works Sanitizer Spray all over the train car to try to get rid of it.  She even threatened to throw up…but I am still not clear if it was because of the putrid bathroom smell, or the overdose of Brown Sugar Vanilla spray she was inundating us with!  

No matter, we would be in Chicago soon and onto a different train.

But WAIT!  There was more Amtrak fun to come…..

Unbeknownst to us, but apparently known to everyone else, including Amtrak employees, there had been a DERAILMENT involving an Amtrak train in Chicago’s Union Station that morning.  Not good.  Not for the train involved or any other trains trying to get in and out of Chicago that day.  The rail authorities were not letting any trains depart or arrive at Union Station.  Our Zephyr staff actually suggested we get off BEFORE Chicago (actually in IOWA) since we didn’t know when in the world they would actually let us into the station.

As it turned out, after all that panic, we got right into the station.  Union Station in Chicago is actually a stop in Hell.  Once you get off your train, you get boxed into a small space between two fire breathing engines and stand.  And Stand.  AND STAND!  Sweating, stinking, parching and STANDING!  Hot, sulfurous…I am telling you…dark and steamy….it was HELL! Finally, they let us out and into the Big Mess in the Great Hall of historic Chicago Union Station, where we got some FAB pictures. The Big Mess took a lot of sorting and we stood in line for a long time waiting for boarding instructions.  But, Amtrak must have a Disney mindset.  You know…make sure your visitors have something fun to watch/do so they won’t notice the wait.

Our in-station entertainment included, but was not limited to the following events:

*The Mad Dash – This event consisted of Amtrak employees telling you that you have to get out of the boarding area because you will not be boarding for a looooong time.  And then waiting for to hear through the grapevine that, indeed, you now DO need to be in the boarding area because you will be boarding at any moment.  The Mad Dash ensues.

*The Great Wait – This event follows the Mad Dash and is what you do for the next  two hours while you wait to board the train.

*The Strip-Tease – This entertainment seemed to be just for the stripper, as I didn’t see anyone else enjoying it, especially the sweet little Amish women who had a front row a seat.  The Stripper danced a jaunty jig, while unbuttoning his leopard-print shirt and then REMOVING his pants and slowly (way too slowly for me and the Amish gals) putting on a new pair.  He continued with his dancing for the next hour, much to the bonnet clad women’s horror. Absolutely, TRUE STORY.

*Pot Stumping – During the Great Wait and after the Strip Tease came the Pot Stumping.  This involved a very small, little, “different” (think Deliverance) man eyeing our girls up and down and expounding on the benefits of marijuana while showing us the lovely tattoo of the pot leaf on his arm.  He freaked us out a bit.

After all the lively entertainment, we finally boarded the train.  And this train was GREAT!  Lots of leg room…no invasive, offending odors, just a comfy, cozy ride. 

And good thing too.  It is good to be relaxed when Amtrak tells you that they have brake problems on your train and you will not make your connecting train but will be in Washington DC possibly overnight.

Fun. (still beats driving a roundabout any day!)

Well, I

Gotta Mosey!