It's All Fun and Games....Til Someone Forgets Their ID

"The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say to not bring food, sharp tools or any shred of dignity." ~ Jimmy Fallon

20 Questions!  The Alphabet Game!  I Spy!  Slug-a-Bug!  All classic travel games to make a trip more interesting and fun.  But, Butterfly and I discovered a new game on the way home from California.  All you need is 2 TSA Agents, 1 long line of impatient travelers, 1 CIA Agent in Langley, VA, a phone and 0 pieces of ID.   It's called "Jeopardy! TSA Edition", and we played it like a BOSS.

Come on down!

Being selected as a contestant on "J!TE" is really quite an exclusive process.  Only one out of several hundred get a chance to play.  You simply show up in the airport security line like everyone else...with one slight difference.  You don't bring your identification.  It's that simple!  No TSA agent can resist giving you the opportunity to "come on down"!

Once you have been chosen as a competitor for "J!TE", a senior TSA Agent greets you at a special game podium and invites you to play the first round of the game, "To Tell the Truth to the CIA", on the phone. During this round of the show your mother is allowed to watch, but not allowed to coach you in any way, shape or form. Calling a friend, polling the audience or using any kind of lifeline is strictly prohibited. Any coaching from the audience results not only in expulsion from the game, but also a ride to the local CIA office for a bonus round of "Are You a Terrorist?"  ( I'll take "I Swear My Parents are American Citizens" for 500, Alex.)

While playing "To Tell the Truth to the CIA", the contestant is invited to answer questions being asked of the TSA Agent by a CIA Agent for the contestant to answer.  The rules just get more confusing from there.

CIA:  La Paz Ct.
Contestant:  What is...my former address?

CIA:  XXXX
Contestant:  What are....the last four digits of my dad's cell phone?

CIA:  Monty Circle
Contestant:  Ummmm...not sure.....ummmm....I'd like to buy a vowel please.

The "To Tell the Truth" part of the game show has a team bonus round if the contestant is very young and doesn't have much history recorded in Langley.  In this round, "The Mom is Right", the competitor gets to include their mother on the team, because apparently the government has LOTS of information on her....even though she is very young and youthful looking, too.  During this round of the game, the CIA asks questions of the original contestant and when she is unable to answer the question, the CIA requires the TSA to ask the mother the same question and one more...just to make sure she is Telling the Truth.

If you make it out of the "To Tell the Truth" and "The Mom is Right" rounds, you move on to "Make Me Laugh TSA Tickle Edition".  I know this because we progressed to this part of the game, which involved walking through two different body scanners that actually required you to do some "TSA Twister" game moves first.  After the contestant is given the literal green light on the body scanners, they are escorted to the game stage for a full patdown.  But the fun doesn't stop there!  Oh no, the fun. Does. Not. Stop. There.

Once the contestant manages to not giggle through the patdown, they progress to the last round of the game. That would be the "Let's Swab Your Deals" round.  In this exciting game, the competitor is racing against the clock as the TSA Agent opens any and all luggage and wipes it down with some kind of coffee filter thing.  Every item in the carry on is opened and swabbed, then the filter is put in a machine which scans it for...for....well, I don't exactly know - BUT...if you can have all your items swabbed without setting any alarms off in time to make your flight, you move on to the last event....

"Run for Your Life".  In this round, both contestant and Mom make a mad dash to their airline gate because playing "Jeopardy!  TSA Edition" has taken up all the time that would have allowed for a leisurely meander to the gate.  In this last round, contestants bolt to the gate, run onto the plane and buckle up in a VERY limited amount of time.  It is in this last round of the game, when the contestants think they have won the jackpot, that they find out there is one more game to play.  "This is Your Life (Flashing Before Your Eyes)".  In this final round of the whole game, the contestants join a whole team of airline passengers strapped into flimsy seats for a ride that bounces you from CA to CO.  Awards go to competitors for "Loudest Prayers", "Child with the Largest Lung Capacity", "Synchronized Screaming" and more!  If you can make it the whole two hours without throwing up, you win the Jackpot...they let you off the plane safely at your intended destination.

Game shows not your cup of tea?  Then REMEMBER YOUR ID!

Gotta Mosey.

Get Out Of Denver, Better Go! Go!

“The people in flight from the terror behind-strange things happen to them, some bitterly cruel and some so beautiful that the faith is refired forever.”  ~ John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

I am back from my trip to California.  And when I say, "I am back", let me tell you, that was no easy feat!  Just about every single fear I have related to flying in an airplane and being in an airport were confirmed on my trip!  So...if you are tuning in today to see how to survive the wild ride from Denver to San Jose and back again...you picked a great day to blog surf!

Every SINGLE thing that could go wrong, went wrong at the Denver Airport at the start of our travels.  Every. Single. Thing.  Starting with the drive up to the airport.

If you have read about my other escapades at the airport here, then you know that before you even get on a flight in Denver, you have had to overcome several other challenges first.  But this day was like no other I have experienced.  On this particular day that we departed for the airport, it seemed like the same ol' thing. We were blown all over the highway again.  There were the usual tumbleweeds to keep the near 70 mile obstacle course interesting. This time, however, we had an added new bonus I had not experienced before. We were transported to Depression Era Oklahoma!  Yes!  It is true....both Time and Geographical Travel overcame us on our drive in our Dodge TARDIS.  As we made our way toward the airport, it became darker, and darker. We looked northwest, but all we could see was an ENORMOUS dust cloud of depression era proportion!  I expected the Joads to pull up alongside us in their jalopy at any moment.  As the wind grew gustier, the dust became so thick we could hardly see the other cars on the road.  Great!  As I considered both the wind and visibility factors for my flight, it was hard to tell if the car was shaking from the gale force winds blowing it, or from me shuddering from sheer terror.  It was the first time ever that I couldn't wait to get to the airport...if only to escape the blind car ride.

Road to Denver International Airport (kinda)

Once we actually arrived at the airport a whole other trial confronted us!  How to get our bags out of the car without them or us blowing away!  We were having gusts of 60 mph winds and our suitcases were paying the price.  But the worst was how the wind blew us!  As I grabbed a hold of Butterfly to pull her into the safety of the airport (there is a term I never thought I would use...or would be true!), I had a vision of her flying up in the air and me flying her like a kite while I tried to wrestle her inside.  It was horrifying, I tell you!

Me and Butterfly

It is hard to believe that I actually felt safer at the airport than on the road....but that tells you just how bad it was.  As we made our way into the the airport, it seemed the horrible parts were coming to an end and I would only have to deal with my irrational fear of flying now.  But, it just can never be that easy if involves me, a trip and an airplane.  Sigh.

After Butterfly and I checked in and gave our personal belongings over to airline staff, we climbed aboard the train to take us to the C Terminal where our airline was located.  We exited the train and decided to eat a little dinner and calm ourselves myself for our flight.  After we finished our extremely overpriced and barely average dinner (not exactly what I had hoped for for what could possibly be my last meal...even criminals get something better than that!), we headed over to our gate and found...it didn't exist.  Well at least not in the C Terminal!  Turns out, ha, ha, that our airline actually has gates in TWO terminals on opposite ends of the airport, and we were in the wrong one.  Remember the OJ Simpson Hertz ads?  Yeah, that was us!  We ran all the way to the train and then we ran all the way to our gate, where everyone was already lined up.  As we stood gasping for air, we listened to the announcement coming over the loudspeaker for our flight.  It seemed our plane had ice on the wings.  Which is bad.  But, we had plenty of de-icer. Which is good.  But, it was so windy that they couldn't de-ice the plane because the fluid kept icing up due to the wind gusts.  Which is very, very bad.  

Did I mention that the reason the winds were so cold was because we had a blizzard on the way?  And that every minute we stayed on the ground increased our chances of not being able to leave?  Or, worse yet, having to fly through the blizzard?! True story.

We sat awaiting more information and making polite conversation with people around us.  When our plane was 3 hours delayed, people around us started booking hotel rooms and getting taxis.  But, still we waited.  When we were 3.5 hours delayed, the woman next to us finally admitted she was hoping they would cancel the flight as "she didn't want to die today anyway."  I laughed and admitted that I was scared to fly too...especially since if we weren't cancelled, we had to hope the de-icer actually worked and then we would be flying through the blizzard.  Directly following this conversation, when our flight was 3.5 hours and two minutes delayed and all of our confessions of fear and death were still hanging in the air, they announced that they would be boarding our plane!

Before they started boarding, I made a trip to the restroom where I ran into a nun.  No....I don't mean I came into the bathroom and there was a nun.  I mean as I was rounding the corner to the bathroom from one side, she was rounding the corner from the other and I ran into her and stepped on her habit!  Surely, I thought, there is some sort of divine discipline for stepping on a nun!  And as I pondered what that might possibly mean for me on this flight, I remembered seeing a nun on a plane before....

Anyone remember the fun flick this clip is from?  Yeah, that's right.....the 1975 disaster film, Airport 1975, about a jet that collides with a smaller plane and fights against gravity without a pilot for the rest of the film!  Not only that....but check out the cutie pie that the nun is singing to.  Is anyone else freaked out that the nun is singing to the kid from the Exorcist???  In my mind, my flight was spiraling downward, possibly in a literal sense, as I left the restroom and noticed the Sister was on our flight.  Really?!  Oh, God has such a sense of humor!

It was amongst all of this that I boarded our flight with fear and trepidation....and flew one of the smoothest flights I have been on in a long time.  I am sure Butterfly was more thankful than I about that.  

Overall, the flight was tolerable and led to a great trip.  I will have to tell you more about that later, cuz right now, I

Gotta Mosey.

Packing with Butterfly

Woot!  Today, Gotta Mosey welcomes its first Guest Blogger!!!  This is an exciting moment for the blog!  So with no further ado, enjoy learning to how to pack as instructed by my daughter, Butterfly!

“As long as I’m not living out of a suitcase, I’m happy.” - Jacquelyn Jablonski

My life is a big trip. Since 2009, I’ve been out of my homestate over twenty times, culminating in what is easily the biggest road trip of my life - my five-month stint as a touring intern with the Institute for Cultural Communicators! This trip was five months in an unpredictable van with three pieces of luggage - a duffel bag, a garment bag and a purse. If that doesn’t teach you how to be a great packer, nothing else will! Before my tour, I used to stress for days about how to bring all the stuff I was positive I would need (read: I like to prepare for the worst by bringing absolutely everything I would possibly need, which comes in handy when it isn’t being a giant pain as it comes to packing). Now, I’ve discovered the perfect system for how to be an excellent packer and I come to share my extensive (cough, or something, cough) experience and knowledge of packing with the adventurous travelers of Gotta Mosey!

Here are a few probable packing problems you may encounter.

Scenario: Your trip is taking you from the land of Sun and Spring to the desolate wilderness of winter. Umm, how is all your cold weather gear supposed to fit in that suitcase?

Solution: First of all, why in the world are you leaving your springtime paradise?! If you don’t like the warmth, you could always send it here! (One of the many reasons I am SO excited to be headed to California in a couple weeks! SUNSHINE. NO BLIZZARDS.) If you decide that you still want, for some unavoidable reason, to travel to the land of frostbite, here are a few packing tips.

• Wear your thickest items on the plane. Poofy sweaters, clunky boots, and your winter coat are all good items to NOT pack. If you layer right, you won’t  even have to wear it all for the whole flight - a coat or sweater can come off and be stowed under your seat.
• Roll clothes tightly (you can even use a strip of blue painters’ tape to keep things tightly rolled) and fit those into the bottom of the suitcase. The heavier things can weight them down and make it possible to get your suitcase shut all the way.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Your shoes are all made out of brick, you had to bring four gold bars and a small elephant in your suitcase. Fifty pounds? Not gonna touch that.

Solution: As unlikely as it is that you’ll be packing gold bars and elephants, suitcase weight is a trouble for all of us uber-prepared (read: frightfully overprepared) packers. So before you despair of needing a forklift for your suitcase, try these tips:

• Start with a smaller suitcase. You’ll be surprised how much you can fit in, and a compact space means less likelihood of running over your weight limit.
• Consider how much heavy material you’ll need to pack. If you need three pairs of shoes, a full bottle of shampoo instead of a travel size, and a canister of lemonade powder (don’t laugh - this is a true story and the lemonade almost put me over my weight limit), you’ll want to consider how to pack your other heavy things. Can you put some of them in a carry-on? Bring lighter weight clothes? Pick some of it up when you arrive?
• Fifty pounds is a LOT. I traveled for five months and my suitcase was only forty-five pounds. You can do it. It’s very possible.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: Uh-oh. Split zipper. Clothes everywhere. Not. Good.

Solution: True story. The first time I traveled out of state my zipper split early in the trip and I carried around a messy suitcase for two weeks. Bad news and so embarrassing. While it is a trick to deal with a split zipper, here are a few ways to work with a broken suitcase:

• Carry safety pins and pin shut the opening to your suitcase. Use many pins!
• Repack your suitcase so that it’s less full and it doesn’t push the zipper out too much.
  
  
  
  
  

Scenario: You need to pack a jar of vinegar/live marmoset/dozen bottles of pills/bee hive and now your bag is sloshy/squealing/rattling/buzzing. You’re starting to get worried that you’re going to get kicked out of the airplane. Forcibly. While in the air. Unkindly.

Solution: Hey, we don’t judge here. If you need to pack something totally bizarre, that’s okay. We understand that. I’ve possibly packed weirder. Try these things to pack your strange luggage:

• If it makes noise, package it in socks, or if it is too large, a piece of clothing. This will lessen suspicion in your odd luggage.
• If it’s drippy or breakable, wrap it in a plastic bag, and try to lay it in an additional layer that you don’t mind getting a little messy (a towel, pillowcase, or inner pocket work well.)
• If it’s alive... um... Sorry. I really have no help for you there. If it’s alive, make sure I’m not sitting next to you on this plane!

And there you have it, adventurers! Butterfly’s foolproof plan to excellent packing. Keep practicing, and someday, you too may be able to pack like a boss! What are your best packing tips, tricks or terrors? Share them in the comments, because I’m always up to learn more about packing. In the meantime, it’s time to get packing because I

Gotta Mosey!

The Streets of San Francisco

"Racing is life.  Anything before or after is just waiting." ~ Steve McQueen

If you have been reading my blog recently, you know I am gearing up for a trip out West to the Golden State of California.  I have prepared for packing fiascoes, airport issues and flying hassles.  I thought I was done planning the bulk of my trip when I realized one thing - Butterfly and I want to go to San Francisco's Chinatown and we don't have a car.

Now, I am researching one-day car rentals to get into the City for some good food, interesting shopping and art gazing.  Turns out, renting a car for use in San Francisco isn't as straightforward as renting a car in say, Kansas.  The hills in San Francisco require that you consider your rental carefully, while also brushing up on special circumstance driving tips.

Here is what I have learned so far:

Because of the hills, drivers in San Francisco need to remember the basics of parking.  Most visitors to the City don't live on hills like the ones found in San Francisco, so it is important to become reacquainted with how to park on them.  When parking on a down hill, turn your wheels toward the street.   When parking uphill, turn them the opposite way.  Or is it the other way around?  I can never remember and I just read the parking tips five minutes ago!  I am going to avoid the decision all together and park at this lot where my car will be safe from downhill rolls and other cars.

Hills also propose a problem for people when they are driving....unless you are Steve McQueen.  I am thinking when I go to San Francisco, I am going to rent a Mustang 2008 Bullitt Edition.  Because surely, if Ford has gone through all the trouble of re-releasing the Mustang Fastback to glorify and memorialize the 1968 car, they want us to drive it like the original, too.  At least, that is what I am counting on!  Me and Butterfly on the Streets of San Francisco.  Just like Steve! Oh yeah.....

Travel BUMMER alert!  You cannot rent a 2008 OR even a 1968 Mustang Fastback to drive in San Francisco.  But, wait til you see what you CAN drive in San Francisco!  I am thinking this is our best option for touring the city.  Parking will be no issue, no engine to worry about stalling...AND...we already own one Big Wheel, that Butterfly can use.  Now, if I can just get my hands on a Scootcase, I will have something to ride, too!

I need to find an American distributor of the Scootcase so I can go test drive one for handling on curves and hills!  If you have a lead, let me know.  Right now, I

Gotta Mosey!

Surprise Party!

"Not all who wander are lost.  Some have just had their train cancelled." ~ JRR Tolkien, revised

Yesterday, I wrote about the adventures of train travel.  It is definitely a unique experience.  Traveling by train offers you an opportunity to navigate situations and characters not easily afforded by other modes of transportation.  But there is one other journey method that comes really, REALLY close.  And our little band of travelers got to experience it just one short week after our train adventure to Virginia.

We had taken the train to attend a conference in Virginia Beach. The evening before we were to leave to come home, we returned, exhausted, to our room.  As we got on Facebook (because one is never too exhausted for Facebook!), I noticed that Amtrak's page mentioned that some of the trains in the midwest were being cancelled due to flooding on the Great Plains.  The California Zephyr, our ride home, was one of the trains.  We went to Amtrak's website and confirmed it and began to plan our escape travels home.

Since we had about a thousand pounds of luggage, and also numerous, huge display boards, flying was out of the question.  What are girls to do?

You guessed it.  We rented a car.  And so ensues the Great Road Trip West.

Did you know it takes THREE days of CONSTANT driving to get from Virginia Beach, VA to Colorado Springs, CO???

It does.

For those of you who find yourself on an unexpected road trip (which is probably half of all train travelers), please heed the following advice:  Attitude is everything!  Our gang decided not to get bent out of shape.  What else could we do?  We decided to enjoy the ride.  And what a fun ride it was!

Here are my observations from the road.  If you plan to make a trip by Amtrak, you may want to bookmark this post as a resource page!

*He who holds the keys...holds the power.  I did NOT want to stop at Colonial Williamsburg on the way home because I love history and knew we didn't have time to get out.  Unfortunately, I was not driving and found our car hijacked by Blondie.  Do you know how it KILLS a history lover to DRIVE through Colonial Williamsburg??? Who DRIVES through Williamsburg?  Oh yeah....us.  Good thing I grabbed the wheel before she could get to Jamestown!!

*If you are stuck on an unexpected road trip...enjoy the scenery. There is nothing greener than the Appalachian Mountains....or ALL of West Virginia, for that matter.  What beautiful country.  Blessed is the person who's surprise adventure includes this state.

*Where's the Beef?  It is in Kentucky where it comes in every form....but try to find a KENTUCKY Fried Chicken ANYWHERE in that state and you will be sadly disappointed!!!  Ridiculous!  I think that at the border of KENTUCKY, there should be little white haired men passing out free KENTUCKY Fried Chicken and biscuits!!  Know what you get instead?  A glimpse of Hell.  I hate to belabor a point....but once you enter the state all you see is a maze and tangle of fire breathing, smoking pipes and tubes.  Is that really the first impression you want to give people of your state?? (Apparently it is....Kansas had FOUR fiery refineries!)

*Don't Drink and Drive...Avoid Kentucky.   Indiana has a lot of wineries and a Wine Trail.  Kentucky cuts to the chase, ditching the wine and going straight to the hard stuff with their very own Bourbon Trail!  I might add that the Bourbon Trail is along a beautiful expanse of winding, two lane highway.  Bourbon + Windy Roads = DUH!

*What Did You Just Call Me? Instead of the Bluegrass State, Kentucky should be the We Don't Need No New Fangled Ideas...Like Cities State.  Because don't EVER ask someone in Cattletsburg, KY what CITY you are in.  I took a 10 minute tongue lashing from a WENDY'S employee about how I was NOT in a city, I was in a TOWN. Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!

*Hitting the Jackpot! Sure the Gateway Arch was impressive....but the best thing about Missouri?  An overnight stay right by a TRADER JOE'S!!!!  I know that this may be a silly thing to get excited about to some of you, but for someone from Colorado, where there are no Trader Joe's, it was like winning the lottery!

*Beware Salina, Kansas.  Oh sure, it  sounds innocent but it is SCARY.  Just one, big truck stop.  In effort to make me feel okay about having to stay there (and yes, we HAD to stay there because there is nothing else in Kansas, anywhere.....ever) my husband cited a study he read saying Salina was supposed to be one of the best places to raise kids.  Really?  I think it depends on what you are raising your kids for.  If it is to drive a semi or a tractor....Salina is awesome!  All others....move to Colorado.

*I See Dead People's Houses: Kansas should not be the Sunflower State, as I never saw one.  BUT...they have a museum every 5 miles.  They should be the Look-at-the-Old-Houses-of-Dead-People-we-have-Here-in-Our-State State.

*Double Shot Espresso - The Patron Saint of all 12 hour day Road Trippers

*Who Needs an App for That?  When you are driving for three days on an unforeseen and unplanned trek, some instincts are acutely honed.  I am pretty sure Blondie and I know every Starbucks from Virginia Beach to Colorado Springs, such was our need for caffeine!

*WHAT?  And Kansas has TWO Starbucks.  ugh!

*Duh!  A state as flat and boring as Kansas needs LOTS of Starbucks!

*There's No Place Like Home.  There's NOTHING like the Rocky Mountains!!

So, all in all.....it was 30 hours of travel by car.  We couldn't see out the back window because we were stuffed to the gills with luggage and display boards!  But, we would do another Surprise Road Trip in a heartbeat...as long as we could plan it first!

Tell me your best Road Trip Tips!  For now, I

Gotta Mosey

Long Train Runnin'

"My heart is warm with the friends I make,

And better friends, I'll not be knowing,

Yet, there isn't a train I wouldn't take,

No matter where it's going."

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay, The Selected Poetry

If you read my early posts, one thing is probably clear to you - I hate flying.  That is a gross understatement.  I mean I REALLY hate to fly. I have never enjoyed it, so a couple of years ago, I decided to do something “fun” instead as I traveled back east.  I decided taking the train would be a better travel choice.  I love to travel by train.  I have done it several times, including a long trip through Canada.  And it has been fun.

Well, if you consider Hell fun, that is.

Oh yes, did you know that is an actual Amtrak stop?  It is!  I have been there.  But perhaps I better back up a bit.

My friend Blondie, her daughter, JJ, my daughter, Jef and I began our adventure back in Denver.  Amtrak spares no expense at keeping things rip-roaring "fun"  from the very beginning.

I had been so excited to travel from the historic Union Station in Denver and became quite disappointed to find out that it was being overhauled and we had to leave from a temporary station instead.  

Which also happens to be invisible.

Yeah, I know….what?  But after following directions from MapQuest (this was before we owned Darth TomTom), and Blondie's iPhone’s GPS app AND  Kahuna's  surprisingly good sense of direction, we drove all around Coors Field without being able to find the train station.  After wandering aimlessly, we finally happened upon the station.  The station with parking for Mini Coopers only.

After 15 minutes of trying to maneuver our Durango into VW Clown Parking Only, we were able to park and get our luggage out and check in just in time to be late!  And to find out that the GIGANTIC suitcases we packed for checked baggage, could not be checked! 

The fun continued as we had to run, wheeling our GIGANTO-BAGS and lugging ALL of our carry on luggage (which consisted of at least 2 twenty-five pound bags of snacks) ACROSS THE STREET (because what sense does it make to build a temporary train station NEAR the train itself?), up the stairs to the platform and then onto the second story of the train.  (I am just saying….workout for the week was done at that point)

As we stowed our luggage and found our seats, we settled in and SAT on the track for an hour.  Sure am glad we rushed to get to that train!

Finally we got moving, made some PB&J sandwiches, washed up and went to sleep.  Thankfully, we slept through Kansas and awoke to a beautiful sunrise in Nebraska with sights set on getting to Chicago that afternoon where we would endure a FOUR hour lay-over before hopping our next train, the Capitol Limited, to Washington, DC.

Our first night of sleep was a little restless, but we were having fun.  REAL fun this time.  On the California Zephyr (the first train we were on), the snack bar was run by a phenomenal guy named, Frank!  He kept things light and funny.  He also used to do hair, and couldn’t keep his hands off Jef's “GREAT hair cut”.  Jef has HUGE personal space, so you can imagine how this was NOT a fun part of the trip for her!

We traveled on, enjoying Frank’s antics and the ride, but slowly, we became acutely aware of “the smell”.  Oh yes, it was not pleasant for any of us, but Blondie sprayed a whole bottle of Bath and Body Works Sanitizer Spray all over the train car to try to get rid of it.  She even threatened to throw up…but I am still not clear if it was because of the putrid bathroom smell, or the overdose of Brown Sugar Vanilla spray she was inundating us with!  

No matter, we would be in Chicago soon and onto a different train.

But WAIT!  There was more Amtrak fun to come…..

Unbeknownst to us, but apparently known to everyone else, including Amtrak employees, there had been a DERAILMENT involving an Amtrak train in Chicago’s Union Station that morning.  Not good.  Not for the train involved or any other trains trying to get in and out of Chicago that day.  The rail authorities were not letting any trains depart or arrive at Union Station.  Our Zephyr staff actually suggested we get off BEFORE Chicago (actually in IOWA) since we didn’t know when in the world they would actually let us into the station.

As it turned out, after all that panic, we got right into the station.  Union Station in Chicago is actually a stop in Hell.  Once you get off your train, you get boxed into a small space between two fire breathing engines and stand.  And Stand.  AND STAND!  Sweating, stinking, parching and STANDING!  Hot, sulfurous…I am telling you…dark and steamy….it was HELL! Finally, they let us out and into the Big Mess in the Great Hall of historic Chicago Union Station, where we got some FAB pictures. The Big Mess took a lot of sorting and we stood in line for a long time waiting for boarding instructions.  But, Amtrak must have a Disney mindset.  You know…make sure your visitors have something fun to watch/do so they won’t notice the wait.

Our in-station entertainment included, but was not limited to the following events:

*The Mad Dash – This event consisted of Amtrak employees telling you that you have to get out of the boarding area because you will not be boarding for a looooong time.  And then waiting for to hear through the grapevine that, indeed, you now DO need to be in the boarding area because you will be boarding at any moment.  The Mad Dash ensues.

*The Great Wait – This event follows the Mad Dash and is what you do for the next  two hours while you wait to board the train.

*The Strip-Tease – This entertainment seemed to be just for the stripper, as I didn’t see anyone else enjoying it, especially the sweet little Amish women who had a front row a seat.  The Stripper danced a jaunty jig, while unbuttoning his leopard-print shirt and then REMOVING his pants and slowly (way too slowly for me and the Amish gals) putting on a new pair.  He continued with his dancing for the next hour, much to the bonnet clad women’s horror. Absolutely, TRUE STORY.

*Pot Stumping – During the Great Wait and after the Strip Tease came the Pot Stumping.  This involved a very small, little, “different” (think Deliverance) man eyeing our girls up and down and expounding on the benefits of marijuana while showing us the lovely tattoo of the pot leaf on his arm.  He freaked us out a bit.

After all the lively entertainment, we finally boarded the train.  And this train was GREAT!  Lots of leg room…no invasive, offending odors, just a comfy, cozy ride. 

And good thing too.  It is good to be relaxed when Amtrak tells you that they have brake problems on your train and you will not make your connecting train but will be in Washington DC possibly overnight.

Fun. (still beats driving a roundabout any day!)

Well, I

Gotta Mosey!

Jilly of Chincoteague

"She's just a piece of wind and sky."  Grandpa Beebe, Misty of Chincoteague

I have three daughters.  And I am a girl, myself.  And if there is one thing I know...girls LOVE horses!  It may not be a love affair that lasts a lifetime, but for at least a few years in their youth, girls would love nothing more than to own and ride a horse of their own.  And brush it's mane.  And braid it.  And curl its tail. And paint its hooves pretty colors.  And put pretty clothes on it.  Horses, to a young girl, is a type of four-footed Barbie...with twice the hair to style!

As girls grow up and their pony interests become keen, well-meaning parents (usually mothers) introduce the works of Marguerite Henry to their daughters.  Henry wrote 59 books based on true stories of horses from all over the world, but the one that most girls start with is Misty of Chincoteague.

Misty is the foal of Phantom, both of who make the swim from Assateague Island in Virginia/Maryland to Chincoteague Island in Virginia.  The Beebe children are determined to buy a pony at auction and raise it.  It is every girls first foray into the addiction that is horses.

For the next couple of years, at least, after reading the book, young ladies will read 58 more works by Henry, buy enough Breyer Horses to start her own virtual horse farm, and beg for horse riding lessons.  And if you cave on that, heaven help you!

I read the Henry books when I was a girl, and while I no longer have a desire to own a horse, I still enjoy riding them, when I get the chance.  But more than riding a domesticated horse, seeing a pony in the wild, the way Henry described, is still something I greatly desire to see.  And that is why my Dream Destination today (and always) is:

The Pony Swim from Assateague Island to Chincoteague Island

The ponies on Assateague Island are believed to descend from ponies that escaped a shipwreck that is believed to have occurred in 1750.  Since then, herds of "beach ponies" have been present on the island.  They are wild, which means no riding or hair styling for them.

However, in 1925, the sorely inadequate Chincoteague Volunteer Fire Department held a festival as a fund raiser during the annual swim and were able to modernize their equipment for the department with the money they raised.  Beginning in 1947, the Fire Department on the island began buying and building its own herd.  The fire department, to this day, owns the herd that is swum across the channel and receives the proceeds from the auction of the foals on Chincoteague.

Besides the Pony Swim, Chincoteague also offers other activities.  Most of these involve tours of the island...by foot, by bike or by boat.  I am just thinking there is one mode of transportation that is missing from this list...by HORSE.  Perhaps it is only the fire fighters who are allowed to capitalize on the horses' fame, but it sure seems like it is a natural fit to have horse tours of the island. And profitable.  I do not believe that most visitors to Chincoteague come for the Easter Decoy and Art Festival.  There is a reason that this...

is just not going to drum up as much interest or dollars as this...

I am no rocket scientist, but it seems to me that when an island of 3,000 people sees 40,000 more people every year for a three day event, it might be time to realize that the horses are a big deal.  Of those 40,000 people, probably 40,000 of them are there for the ponies and horse related activities.  They do offer pony rides in an enclosed pen and they have Pony Day Camps, where kids can do everything with a real, live Chincoteague pony...except ride one.  I do not understand the sacred status of the beach pony.  They are hardy animals!  They live off sea grass and semi-fresh pond water and swim the ocean yearly with their babies.  They can surely handle a 70 pound child for an hour or two.  And if the kids can ride, then they just need to have horses available for the adults to accompany them and voila!  Instant two hour, memory-making,  trek for the tourists and year round profitable business for the locals!!  

There are a couple of things to keep in mind if you do go to Chincoteague:

Beware Post Pony Depression

As I said,  I would be content to see these gorgeous beach ponies swim the channel and then see them at auction. Not all people are content with that, so there are other pony offerings on Chincoteague. Visitors can go to the Pony Show and watch the Chincoteague Pony Drill Team strut their stuff.  I just hope I can hear them over the little girls in the audience who are crying because they can't ride "Misty". On a lighter note, one of the other highlights of Chincoteague according to their website is Island Creamery, where they hand make ice cream.  Perhaps that is the real money maker.  The bribe offered all disappointed children on the island.

Deceptive Advertising

If you sign up to ride the Pony Express, be advised...there are no horses involved in this tour.   It is advertised as a trolley that tours the island, but it is not even a trolley.  No horse, no horse-drawn trolley (even Disney has THAT and they don't make a livelihood off horses!), no TROLLEY!  It's a bus.  That looks like a trolley.

But, all of the crying and bribery and disappointment and deceptive advertising isn't going to stand in my way.  I still have the memory of Misty too strongly in my heart to pass up an opportunity to see any of her 80 remaining relatives swim the channel.  I just want to be able to go before my daughters are out of my house and miss the opportunity to realize this dream with me.  After all, we are just horse-loving little girls at heart when it comes to the Ponies of Chincoteague.

So if you have girls...and boys (cuz I am making my boys come along)...don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance to make their dream to be a part of an incredible story come true.  And as the Saltwater Cowboys on Chincoteague would say (I think they would say it.  I would say it if I was a Saltwater Cowboy), I

Gotta Mosey.